Sunday, October 19, 2014

Getting through the rough times...

I took a road trip to Missouri to see my mom this weekend. In case you're new or missed it, mom has Alzheimer's disease and is in a nursing home.

I just wasn't prepared for how her condition has deteriorated since I last saw her in May. Bless her heart... It just made me so sad. And leaving her was the worst.

I cried most of the way home (4 hours). And I just wanted to eat.

I packed my Personal Trainer Food and a gallon of water for the trip. I was prepared, and had breakfast on the way. But once I got there, I lost all appetite and didn't eat again all day. On the way home, I was HUNGRY. Inside and out.

I had a hole inside my gut that I felt that only food could fill. I wanted sweets. I wanted fast food. I wanted anything but that food that was in my lunchbox.

But sanity kicked in. And I stopped at a PILOT and warmed up my food. (I've learned that PILOT truck stops always have a microwave).

The next day, I was down. Which I think is probably pretty normal. So just on a whim, I stopped by Old Navy on the way to my Saturday job to try on a pair of size 16 pants... just to see if they would fit. Guess what?????

Oh. Em. Gee. Happy just don't describe how I felt.

(And I'll add this, because someone left a comment about "vanity sizing" not even five minutes after I made this post. I KNOW these pants are VERY generously sized. They are stretchy. I am very aware of vanity sizing, and that these pants are not a "true" size 16. But I DON'T CARE. The tag says size 16 and this makes me HAPPY.)

Sometimes, I just want to eat everything in sight. Sometimes I want to quit. But I know why I have to keep pushing.

I have about two more weeks of Personal Trainer food left. And then I will probably just keep on eating the same thing... meats and veggies and eggs. Low-carb is working. I feel like I can do this, and I feel like I am finally in control. Habits are being formed every time I make the choice to stay sugar/carb free. Consistency is key.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Believing I can...

Yesterday I woke up feeling very positive about this journey. I am liking the way I look in the mirror. I have more energy and my skin is clear. After thinking back on vacation and the good choices I was able to make regarding food and exercise, I had an overwhelming feeling.

Success. I actually looked in the mirror and felt it.

I can and will reach my goal weight. I will actually get there this time. 

I feel like I am re-learning how to eat. Low carb is working for me. I still struggle with WANTING sweets and processed food. But I can say no... It's not compulsive anymore. 

I know I am a food addict. It's something I will always have to deal with. My relationship with food is very dysfunctional and I will always have to be careful with my choices.

But it's possible. I can see that now. I just have to say consistent and make this a lifestyle change.

I am still enjoying my Personal Trainer Food. A few have been hating on my choice to do that plan... But it's working for ME. And I am VERY happy with the convenience it offers. Yes, it's totally possible for me to cook the same healthy meals. But FOR RIGHT NOW, it's worth it for me to go with this option. 

My best friend and several others have also decided to order and are also loving the food. It's definitely worth the investment if you need meal options that are quick and healthy, and you don't have the time to meal prep.

And let me also say this... I don't get paid to endorse this plan. EVERYONE who orders gets a link for a $50 off referral coupon. Yes, if you order through the website, I would LOVE for you to use my link. It's $50 off for both of us.

But you can also get an even better deal through Groupon and Amazon Local. Just search for 'personal trainer food'.

I always blog about MY experiences on MY journey. And right now, this food is part of my journey and it's been great for me. Why wouldn't I share about something that might potentially help someone else who is struggling like me?

I appreciate every single person who reads my blog and supports me on my journey. I've been on a very public rollercoaster ride on here since 2008 and I have learned so much. I may not be at my goal weight, but I will get there one day because I refuse to stop trying.


Saturday, October 11, 2014

Vacation and staying focused

Today is our last full day of vacation in Edisto Beach, SC. It's been amazing. Lots of time on the beach, lots of laziness in our wonderful condo, and lots of great time with my loves.

And this trip has not been about food. We actually haven't eat out once during the entire trip. Yes, it really cuts expense to cook/eat at the condo when you have six people to feed. But it also helps to keep focused when you are trying to stay on track with losing weight.

Has it been easy? Hell, no. It's been hard as hell when you're so accustomed to eating whatever you want on vacation. And especially when you're surrounded by sweets and 'convenience' food that you love.

Is it worth it? Absolutely. I am feeling pretty great right now and I don't want to ruin it. It's also just not worth ruining my progress over the past month or so. I'm worth it.

My friend took this picture on day 1... A candid shot. A few years ago I would have made her immediately delete any candid shots because I was so self conscious. I actually like this one. I am making progress. And I can see it.

It's been easy to stick to my Personal Trainer food since our condo has a full kitchen. I packed it in ice for the trip and immediately put it in the freezer. No excuses. It's a lifesaver. 

I'm off to go walk on the beach! 

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Trusting my journey...

I've been low-carbing for little over a month now. I've made great progress on the scale. But I've made even more progress mentally.

One month ago I actually contemplated giving up. My body was detoxing from carbs and I was miserable. I wanted all the sugar and I couldn't have it. And the thought crossed my mind that I should just stay fat. I mean, what was so bad about just being fat?

Because I've been big my entire life it's really sort of comfortable for me. It's familiar. I'm used to it. I've grown accustomed to the aches and the pains and the uncomfortable clothes and being out of breath. These things might just be a good trade-off to be able to eat all of the wonderful sugary foods that I love.

But then something within me realized that this thought process was insanity.

There was no way that I could ever go back to being that person.

So I stuck with it. And here I am a month later and 16 pounds lighter. My clothes fit well again and I feel great.

Yesterday was a long crazy day for me. I am now working contracts before and after school for extra money. And I have a couple of side jobs that I work on weekends and evenings. AND it's softball season and my daughter plays during the weeknights. My day started at 7 AM and ended around 11 PM.

And I stayed on track all day.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again ordering the personal trainer food was one of the best decisions I could've ever made. Yesterday morning it was as easy as counting out my meals, taking them out of the freezer, and putting them in my lunchbox. Also packed a plastic container and found that there was a microwave available to me everywhere I went yesterday. I ate well and I stayed on track.

As I was driving home from softball last night I realize that I really have dropped my excuses. I realize that I actually want it bad enough to stay prepared and do what it takes. 

For the first time in a long time I actually can see myself making some progress in moving forward in this journey. Even with vacation coming up next week I know that I am in the right mindset to stay on track and stay focused. I have a plan for my food and I've talked to my coach about how to eat out if that situation comes up. I am confident that I will do well.

I am expecting my second shipment of personal trainer food today. It was really a no-brainer to make the commitment for another month. I'm just not ready to lose the convenience of having all of my meals prepared for me ahead of time. I absolutely think that this plan is what is keeping me on track. My best friend is also doing the plan and she absolutely agrees with me that this was one of the best investments she has made for herself and in a long time.

Today I am very grateful that I did not give up. I will stay patient and I will trust this journey.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Oct 1 weigh-in...

14.8 lbs gone this month. 

Not bad at all! 

I could never imagine just a month ago that I would be able to stick to low carb living this long. Yes, I do still want the bad stuff, but I'm able to say no and resist. 

The great thing is that I feel strong and I know I'll be able to keep going. 

I am doing Personal Training Food for another 28 days. It is absolutely working for me right now as far as convenience and meal prep. My first 28 days of food will be up on this Sunday. At that time, I  going to do a liquid-only 'detox' for two days before I start again.

My coach recommended this because my weight loss has slowed down. And since I will be off from work I think the timing is perfect. 

We leave for vacation in one week, and that will be my restart day. 

Yes, I am sticking to plan while on vacation. Why not?

I am not about to undo a months worth of hard work. We have a kitchen in our beach condo so I just plan on packing all of my food in ice for the drive there and carrying on as usual.

This vacation will not be about food. It will be about relaxing and exploring and enjoying time with my family.

When I get back I'll have another week off, and on that week I plan on hitting the gym hard and getting back into an exercise routine. Softball for my daughter is almost over, so I'll have my workout time back. I'm so ready.

I'm excited about October!!! My goals are finally within reach again.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Getting my groove...

This is been a week full of highs and lows on this weight-loss journey. Some days I feel so snacky and I feel like I just want to binge all over the place. But other times, like today, I feel very strong and full of resolve.  

I must admit that it's an amazing feeling to fit in a pair of pants that didn't fit you last month and also wear a hand-me-down shirt that belonged to my 16-year-old child.

I know that I'm not supposed to, but I have peeked at the scale several times this week. I almost had a breakdown just because I am not losing like I was a few weeks ago. 

But this morning it hit me that there is a reason why the people at Personal Trainer Food tell you do not stand on the scale more than twice during your 28 days. They tell you to really watch the inches that you're losing and how your clothes feel. And honestly, my clothes feel pretty amazing right now. I know that I'm losing inches even if it's not showing on the scale. And I'm sure that it being my time of the month doesn't help matters either.

Lesson learned about the scale. Again.

My goals for the weekend include drinking more water and getting more exercise. I know that life is really busy during the week but I've got to find time to get more activity in. I just really feel like I need it for my sanity.

And I know that I'm slacking on the water. My goal is to get back to at least a gallon a day or half my bodyweight like I'm supposed to.

I made another important decision this week. I have decided that I am not going to stop my low-carb journey when I go on vacation on October 9. I know that one reason that I decided to do the personal trainer food was to get back on track before I went on vacation. But what's the use of getting back on track when I go on vacation if I'm just going to ruin all of my progress while I'm on vacation! Since there is a kitchen in our condo there is really no excuse for me not to take my food on vacation with me and stay on plan while I'm there. 

I guess I'm starting to think in longer-term goals. I really would love to end the year 2014 below 250 pounds. I have not been below 254 since I started this journey in December 2012. And you all know that I've been between 254 and 260 something pounds for the past year or so. Except for the last month or so when I backslid to almost 280.

It's time to get this weight-loss journey pumped up again. I really believe that I have the tools now that I have my food under control. Now it's just time to have discipline and consistency and get the job done.

Since several have asked, and several people are even ordering (yay!), here is a link you can use to order Personal Trainer Food and get $50 off!

Monday, September 22, 2014

21 days...

2 lbs down this week... 14 lbs total since Sept. 1. I'm officially back in my 'normal' range of 258-265. But trust me, I'm trying to blow past that. 

I was scrolling through pictures tonight and ran across two pictures that were taken exactly 2 weeks apart. 

Look at the difference in belly fat since I started the Personal Trainer Food! I can really tell a difference in my clothes, too. 

Getting rid of the sugar and bad carbs REALLY makes a difference for me. And I'm never hungry anymore. 

I'm ready to make this week great!

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Two things...

Two major things of been on my mind this morning. Just rambling thoughts really...

First thing: I was really nervous when I ordered the personal trainer food because it was such a big financial commitment. But at the time I was desperate to get back on track. I just went for it. And now I'm really glad I did.

Yesterday was a huge struggle food wise. I don't know why, but the cravings were out of control. I just wanted any and everything that I could get my hands on that was not on my plan. I think it may have been triggered by the donuts the day before. But the cravings are really bad. 

I know that the only thing that kept me on track with the fact that all of my food was preprepared for me. I did not have to think about what I was going to eat because it was already prepared. See, I have three big bags in my deep-freeze her that I choose from each night. 

Each night before bed I go downstairs and choose two meats, two veggies and a breakfast. I keep my snacks upstairs because they don't need to go in the freezer. In the mornings all I have to do is throw everything from my upstairs freezer into my lunchbox for the day. Easy.

That totally saved me yesterday. 

Second thing: my grocery bill has gone down considerably over the past two weeks. I didn't realize how much I was spending on my own food. I try to cook healthy meals for my children, but they are pretty simple. Nowadays, mostly the groceries are for school lunches and for quick dinners for the kids. 

So once again, the investment is justified. I am almost certain that I will be ordering this again after vacation next month. Like my good friend said yesterday, convenience wins!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Week 3 of low carb...

Almost at the end of week 3 of low-carb and I feel like I'm doing well! Still no cheats, and still doing the Personal Trainer Food. It's starting to feel 'normal' but certain things make me know I'll never be normal when it comes to food.

One of my students brought donuts yesterday from my favorite local bakery for his birthday. I felt like my life would END of I didn't have just one. I could smell them from across the room. But I didn't have one. And it was a HARD decision.

I dread going to Kroger because the Halloween Cadbury eggs are out, and also candy corn. Both are binge items and both make me feel happy to my soul when I eat them. 

I'm not exaggerating either.

But I know I will just have to fight those battles as they come along. Food addiction (any addiction) is hard to beat. Three weeks is just a drop in the bucket to how much time I'll actually need to get really clarity and maybe some good weight loss. 

That's why I still think ordering the food and making that commitment was a good idea. My food choices are made for me when I'm too weak to do it myself. And it also keeps me out the grocery store more often. I do a weekly trip to Aldi for the kids groceries and some salad fixings for me and that's usually it. 

Progress pic as of today. Size 18 pants from Old Navy and size Xl shirt from NY&CO. 

Also a few pics of my favorite foods this week...

I've been eating a big salad for lunch each day... with some kind of chopped chicken.

I'm loving the maple sausage. And I don't even like sausage, lol.

For dinner each night I'm doing two veggies and a meat.

And FYI... the garlic sauce provided with the meals is crack for veggies. I love it!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

My week in food... and yes, it's good!

This week has been another crazy, busy, hectic week. But through it all I've been so thankful for the investment made in the Personal Trainer Food. It has TRULY kept me on track. You can't ask for meals that are more easy to prepare and convenient. I pack my insulated lunch box and a microwavable dish with me at all times and so far, I've been able to eat whenever I feel hungry. (Which is not as often now that the cravings have subsided).

Here is a sample of some of my meals this week:

As you can see, each lunch and dinner consists of a meat (I pretty much chose all types of chicken since I don't eat beef) and a veggie. All of the meats are seasoned really well and are remarkably tasty. The veggies are fresh and are yummy with the garlic sauce they provide. 

The breakfasts usually have eggs or omelets and sausage. I am not a sausage fan, but the maple sausage is the bomb!

Every night before I got to bed, I go down to my deep freezer in the garage and choose my food for the following day. Two meats, two veggies, and a breakfast. I bring them upstairs and put them in the kitchen freezer. The next morning its super easy to pack what I need in my insulated lunchbox along with a snack (also provided). If I know I'm going to be gone all day, I'll pack everything. Sometimes I add a couple of boiled eggs or a side salad (which is allowed) if I know I'm going to exercise or if I think I'm going to need more to get me through a long day.

You can add any meat or veggie or eggs that you want (if this amount of food isn't enough). But so far, I think this food is plenty. When you are eating good carbs and whole foods, I just don't think your body needs as much. Just two weeks into low-carb living, I find that I am more satisfied with my small meals and am not hungry as much. 

I still WANT sugar and bad carbs, though... but the cravings are not intense. Honestly, the first week I felt like crying everytime I was faced with a food that I can't have. Sad, huh? But now, I just look longingly at the pizza and keep going, lol.

This will all be worth it. I know I am making the best, most healthy choice for my body. I am SO ready to start losing weight again.