Sunday, May 24, 2015

Day 11 - Weigh in results


Not too shabby! Especially considering that I haven't exercised a single day (not counting just being active) and I'm bloated from my period. And yesterday I had a surprise dinner date for my birthday and didn't get in all my water! This challenge is working... And I'm pumped to see what the next 14 days has in store.

I stopped posting my food daily since the food police came out and started criticizing my choices. And I've been super busy ending the school year (I am done!).

Onward!

Monday, May 18, 2015

Day 4... Almost forgot!

Pre-breakfast: Fiber and spark 
Breakfast: 6 mini egg muffins, low-sugar oatmeal
Morning snack: banana, 2 protein bites
Lunch: Leigh's baked pasta, watermelon 
Dinner: turkey meatloaf, sweet potatoes and green beans.
Late snack: one protein ball

I'm doing this daily for accountability. It's 1 am and I'm laying here awake from ruthless cramping. And of course I'm hungry. Dinner was later than usual because I was meal prepping, so I didn't have a good snack like I usually do.

I made protein balls for the first time and ate one of them just to try them. Pretty good, but not as good as my neighbor made them. Mine are dryer, so I'll adjust the recipe next time.


Basically they are almond butter, honey, flaxseeds and oats. 

Next week is my last week of school and my last week of teaching at my current job. Lots of emotions, but I am still excited that the move is so close! We booked a moving truck on Friday, so it's getting real! 

But with end of the school year comes a lot of eating opportunity. Even if I dodge that bullet, I still have to wrestle with my birthday and graduation the following week. 

No matter what I'm still glad I did this challenge now instead of waiting. I desperately need to do something NOW. I need the accountability and routine. Even if I can't be 100% perfect.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Day 3 - On the go

Today's grub:

Pre-breakfast: Fiber and spark
Breakfast: 2 eggs, 3 slices center cut bacon, red potatoes. 
Morning snack: watermelon, 2 protein bites
Lunch: Leigh's baked pasta
Dinner: Mexican shredded chicken breast on 2 high-fiber wraps, watermelon.
Late snack: two rice cakes with peanut butter
Later snack: banana (worked late)

Today was SUPER busy from start to finish, but I made it with no cheats! This morning my baby did another fun run (in the rain). As you can see, it was a color run and she had a blast.


I came home and greedily ate what has become my favorite snack... I don't have the recipe yet for these protein balls, but I know they have oats and almond butter. I also know they are delicious and I think about them all day. 


I had time to come home for just a bit before we were off to TWO softball games. I am happy I thought to pack my "dinner" meal because look what HE went and got from concessions! That burger looked really good, but I was ok with skipping it. 


Overall I'm still feeling focused. No real cravings just yet. 

Good news.. I have TWO job interviews lined up for Tuesday. Prayers and well wishes are appreciated. I'd LOVE to have a job lined up before the move.

I also got news yesterday that I will be having a hysterectomy 10 days before I move. Timing SUCKS but it is what it is. I'll write more on it later... I'm still not 100% sure if my insurance will cover what I need for it to.

I think I just realized that food is about the only thing I can 100% control right now in my life. Too many variables, it seems. With work, with the move... even with my kids. I'm just happy that stress and emotional eating is not taking over.



Friday, May 15, 2015

Day 2 - eating clean

Today's food...

Pre-breakfast: Fiber and spark 
Breakfast: 6 mini egg muffins, pkg low sugar oatmeal. 
Morning snack: watermelon, 2 protein bites
Lunch: Leigh's baked pasta, strawberries
Dinner: Mexican shredded chicken breast on high-fiber wrap, slice of cheese, sweet potato and watermelon.
Late snack: two rice cakes with peanut butter

Felt like a lot of food, but I guess I'm conditioned for restrictions. I'm learning to eat every three hours... I have alarms set on my IPhone. One meal was eaten in the car, and I had to pack one to go. I'm dealing with a medical issue that has had me off work for two days. 

Stressed. Emotional. But not turning to food. 

Oh, and I was offered cake today. And turned it down.

I also made a new Facebook page... Not a 'Page' but an add-me profile. I feel like I'm starting over so it seems appropriate.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Advocare 24-day Challenge - Day 1

First things first... The scale.


Damn. Here I was fooling myself into thinking I was doing better, or maintaining. 

Yeah, right.

Next, measurements.

Equally depressing.

But it was all fuel for the fire. 

I skipped my morning coffee for a Spark. Which was fine except for the caffeine withdrawal headache all day. 

I have read that the fiber drink is nasty, but I was fortunate to get the new flavorless kind. Mixed it with Spark and couldn't tell it was even in there. 

Eating every three hours was a challenge... Because I'm in the habit of eating constantly? I don't know but I definitely wasn't hungry. 

Pre-breakfast: Fiber and spark 
Breakfast: 2 eggs, 3 slices center cut bacon, one bite each of banana and watermelon (banana was too soft, taste tested watermelon). 
Morning snack: watermelon, 2 protein bites
Lunch: Leigh's baked pasta
Dinner: Mexican shredded chicken breast on two high-fiber wraps, small amount of shredded cheese. Watermelon.
Late snack: two rice cakes with peanut butter

My Advocare coach, who is a good friend and neighbor, MEAL PREPPED for me yesterday! Talk about setting me up for success! She made some protein balls that are so good! She also made a whole-wheat pasta dish, egg muffins, and a bag of Mexican marinated chicken that you throw in the crockpot and shred.

It was all great and filling. I plan on making some turkey meatloaf muffins, but I should have enough meals to get me to Sunday. Then I will meal prep myself.

I'm giving this 120%!



Sunday, May 10, 2015

Finding motivation... And a little Spark!

On some days - hell, weeks - I find bits and pieces of motivation wherever I can. As all of you know, I've been struggling BIG TIME for the past 6 months. I've regained a lot... Close to 30 lbs. but at least for the past few weeks I've stopped gaining and pretty much been holding around 290. Getting so dangerously close to 300 lbs again is so scary.

But my will to eat crap has been stronger than my will to give it all up. I just can't seem to get motivated.

Well, about a week or so ago I saw a post from my neighbor that she has been doing a challenge and drinking an energy drink called Spark. I've heard of Spark from another friend who was selling Advocare at the time. 

I contacted her about buying some because I felt like it might help pick me up in the afternoons when my energy levels go to ZERO around 2 pm. She directed me to another close neighbor who hooked me up with a variety box.

Let's just say that after a few days, I was hooked on Spark. Good energy without jitters, and I had no problem going to sleep at night. 

Fast forward to yesterday. My neighbor next door has signed up with Advocare to be a distributor, and my neighbor across the street had a get-together yesterday morning about the business and the products. She invited everyone to join her on what they call a 24-day Challenge and I signed up!

Now, let me be honest. I've tried several direct sales weight loss plans... Isagenix and Body by Vi to name two. Neither of them worked out well for me, and it made me very skeptical. But I also didn't invest any money with either of those plans (I was offered them for free) so I didn't have anything to lose, really.

But for this Advocare challenge, I'm financially invested. And I'm very excited to try it. I am praying that this is the boost that I need. A jumpstart to get back on track for good. Summer is so close and also the move to Jacksonville. I figure that 24 days will be well spent if I am doing something to get me back to where I need to be.

Hopefully my challenge kit will be here by Wednesday of this week. I will start it the day after I get it. My neighbor introduced me to a lot of good recipes yesterday at her get together and I am also going to start looking for ones of my own. I am going to give up coffee for 24 days and only drink a spark in the mornings. 

I am going to give it 100%. I'm going to do everything I can to make this work. This is totally different from anything that I've done in a long time.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Motivated

I have very exciting news that I finally feel comfortable enough to share...

I AM MOVING TO FLORIDA!

Crazy, huh? But yes, I have prayed and contemplated on this for years. In the last six months or so, I decided to start seriously considering this move. My oldest daughter and nephew both graduate from high school this year, and it's time to make a change. As a family, we are all excited. My college bound kids both decided to stay in Tennessee for college, but are excited to be able to visit a new home in Florida on school breaks and holidays.

Things have really been falling into place. This past weekend, I was able to find an apartment that is 37 MINUTES FROM THE BEACH! I'm so excited. Now, I just need to find a job, but I am in the application process for two school districts and I am not worried about finding something that is perfect.

My life is about to change in big ways! I have taken a huge leap of faith, but I am so excited for a fresh start.

After spending both Saturday and Sunday morning on the beach, I realized how easy it can be to lead an active lifestyle when I get down there. I can totally see myself taking long walks on the beach. There were also lots of bootcamps and group exercises going on. It was exciting.

I also noticed that EVERYONE on the beach is in a bikini or two-piece... no matter what the size. Which I think is pretty awesome. But I know that in my current condition, I'd be way too self conscious.

And the picture we took this weekend... Um, no. As cute as I felt in my maxi skirt and tank, the re-gained pounds really show. And it just made me feel... disgusted?



So when I got back on Monday I was motivated. Very motivated.

I don't have a PLAN per, se. But so far this week I've been counting calories and drinking water like it's my job. Oh, and I actually packed a gym bag and went to workout after school yesterday.

Small changes, but at least I'm doing SOMETHING.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

What's next?

I'm still in somewhat of a slump about my weight gain, but for the past few days I've made a choice to stop with all the negativity, and just move forward the best way I know how. I started using MyFitnessPal AGAIN, but this time I went in and let the website recommend my calories and macros (I usually customize this for myself). It has me at 1900 calories. And so far, thats fine with me. I've gone over each day this week thanks to candy calories, but at least I'm tracking and TRYING.

I've got to try. I just can't NOT try. But eating 'normally' is actually ok. And tracking helps control the portions.

I am going out of town tomorrow, but first I have a doctor's appointment with my OB/GYN that also does nutritional counseling. I'm hoping they can give me some advice or direction. After low/no carb not working this time, I just feel so discouraged. I feel like my body hates me and I've really just abused it for so long that I'm a lost cause.

I called my insurance company last week and asked about resources for someone with an eating disorder, or help with nutrition and weight loss. Blue Cross Blue Shield was sorry to inform me that they don't offer help with anything like that, but I would be an excellent candidate for gastric bypass surgery. The rep was happy to refer me to a bariatric surgeon.

Damn. Not that I haven't thought about it lately. But I just don't think surgery will help me until I get the mental and emotional stuff right.

When it comes to food and sugar, I am totally unstable.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

What pushes you?


Unfortunately, after three solid weeks of doing very low-carb/Adkins/Keto, I fell off the wagon. Oh, there are plenty of excuses to why, but it all started with a weigh in that made me very disappointed. In three weeks, I 'only' lost about 5 lbs. Nevermind that my clothes fit looser. Nevermind that physically I felt like a million bucks.

That scale pissed me off.

Low-carb always works. But this time, not so much. Not like it has in the past.

So what started as a "one day break", ended up as a week long free-for-all. Because there was no way I could start over with Easter in only a few days, right?

Right.

Just more excuses.

I guess rock bottom was Thursday. I ate a total of SIX Cadbury eggs and was absolutely SICK. But I still kept binging.

Friday-yesterday was better, but not weight-loss worthy.

This mornings weigh in...



Damn. Damn. Damn.

I am almost 300 lbs again.

Hell. NO.

So, low carb it is. Again. Because it works... maybe not so fast on the scale anymore. But it allows me control over this addiction. It allows me to feel full and satisfied and it helps with my cravings.

It was probably a sign that I ordered an Atkins diet book several weeks ago and it just came in the mail yesterday. More on those insights later.

But I just need to get a hold of something... something that will help push me. Maybe it's NOT seeing 300 on the scale again. But so far, nothing has been motivating me enough to get my ass in gear. My clothes are all too small. I have heartburn again. I hate my reflection in the mirror. I feel like shit.

But I still stuff myself full of food and sugar until I vomit.

Madness. Insanity. Stupidity.

All that.

I need to push. Push toward at least getting back into my size 18's. Back into the 260's.

My life literally depends on it.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

2 weeks down - This may be getting easier


This is officially my third week of the low-carb lifestyle. Honestly, I have to admit that I already FEEL a lot better. My cravings are manageable or non-existent. I'm able to say "no" now, and it isn't the end of the world. Today I had an unplanned lunch out with colleagues at a Mexican restaurant. I ordered chicken fajitas will bell peppers only, no beans, no rice, no tortillas. Add cheese and guacamole and sour cream. I felt good about that choice and it was easy to skip the tortillas or the chimichanga I usually indulge in. I drank water instead of diet soda. It felt like a win.

Did I mention I FEEL better? Yes.




I  am definitely eating in a more 'keto' fashion than I had planned. But higher fat makes me so much more satisfied. 

I did weigh in after deciding that I hate the scale and I never want to weigh again. From Monday, March 9 to Monday, March 16 I went from 289.2 to 285.3. Not fast weight loss, but at least I'm going in the right direction.

I think my body is just like, "f*ck you" and doesn't want to give up the fat. I will keep going.

I am also running more, but I need to be consistent. Good weather is showing it's pretty face in Tennessee, so outside neighborhood runs will be easy. No excuse that the gym is too far away, and the elliptical is soooooo boring.