Friday, January 30, 2009

304.4!

Woo Hoo! That number had me dancing around my bathroom this morning. Wow, I can't believe I have a 2.2 lb. loss since Monday. I actually didn't think I had done that well. Eating-wise, I think I am making good choices, but haven't been measuring or journaling. I am only about 5 lbs from my first 10% goal! OMG! Twoderville is right around the corner!

Today I will sign my lease for my new rental and I am so nervous. I still haven't collected all the money, but have it all promised to me by today. But I will not have enough left over for a u-haul. That means I will probably not be able to move my furniture until next weekend. But my plan is to move everything I can fit in my Suburban, even if I have to make several trips. My mom has agreed to let my kids spend the night with her tomorrow night so I can move and unpack tomorrow. I see lots of trips back and forth, and a lot of exercise.

Last night Clyde started crying and begging and guilt-tripping me so bad. I was so confused, and started to doubt whether or not I was making the right decision. So I left and went to Wal-mart (where I finally was able buy the Hostess 100 cal Strawberry cupcakes). I talked to my mom and my BFF, and they helped to strengthen me and remind me of the reasons I was doing this in the first place. They both reminded me that he has made these same promises in the past, and we have had these same circumstances in the past. Things are not going to change.

I told my 11-yr old daughter this morning that if there was one lesson I want her to take away from this, is that it is NEVER OK to let a man (or any person) treat her like crap. Not even if she loves him, or if he promises to change. If a man treats her so bad that it makes her hurt on the inside, then I told her to GET AWAY from him, even if it's the hardest decision she ever makes. I have spent so many years trying to change me so that I can deal with him. Now it's time for me to finally figure out what Hollie wants and needs for her life. Independently.

I know that is going to be so hard. I am co-dependent, I admit it. I am one of those people whose life revolves around the people around them. I am the helper, but I never ask for help. I am the giver, who never asks for anything in return. It is strange to me to have feelings of selfishness, to actually want to put ME first. But I do, and I know I will. I said this from the jump, but 2009 will be MY year to shine. There is always sunshine after the storm, right? I'm trying to find that sunshine.

9 comments:

Rebecca said...

Congrats on the loss Holly-this week and all 28lbs! That is really great work! Delighted to have found your blog today.

Amy on Track said...

Congrats on the weigh in. Leaving your husband is never easy especially when there are kids involved. But you have to do whats best for them and you. You have to be happy. Life is too short to do anything that doesn't make you absolutely happy!

bbubblyb said...

Way to go on the lose. So good to hear you talked to you daughter. That talk will stay with her forever. You are doing the right thing. *hugs*

Rosie said...

Hollie,

I'm so proud of you... I have something I want to mail to you but I'll wait until you're at your new home... please email me your mailing address.

Dutch said...

Way to go on the weight loss. I didn't know they had a 100 calorie strawberry one. I think I would love those. Have a great weekend.

Sabs said...

You are doing so well!

I can relate to your situation with your husband and if I can give you some advise... try going for counselling for yourself to build your self-esteem a little. Low self-esteem makes it so easy for others to treat us bad since we think we deserve it!

Lori said...

Congrats on the loss!!

And hang in there, you deserve way better than that man! It's so important to teach your daughter that as well.

HopeFool said...

I'll do the scale dance with you.
Yay!!!
I'll also give a cheer - yay! for your attitude through this tough time!

CJ said...

Hey there. You are doing great with your weight loss.

Its really hard to be selfish after many years of always giving to others. It sounds like you are making the right move. Though I know its hard on you and your children.

Keep the faith. You are strong and can do this.