Thursday, January 15, 2009

Decisions

Because I have decided that this is my year to put ME first and make my health and well-being a priority, some very important decisions have to be made. Besides the struggles I am having with my husband, financial issues are really stressing me out. Our number one financial burden is our house - the mortgage is killing us. At the time we bought our house, I was getting a great salary, and we had plenty of money in savings. My husband was working...all was well. A lot has changed since then. I love my house, but I'm not sure that I love it enough for the burden it is causing me.

I was talking to a woman last night at job #2 (she's actually the real-estate agent who sold me my house's sister) who also carries a real estate license, and she told me that she worked with someone who could sell my house "in a heartbeat." Apparently, I live on prime property in our county (which I kinda already knew). She said that when we bought our house, there was a lot of interest, but we put a contract down the day after it hit the market. So this morning, I told my husband what she said, and I'm about 85% sure we are going to try to sell our house. We put quite a bit of money down, so hopefully if we are able to sell it before we get too far behind on it we will be able to walk away with some of the money we invested. I know the real estate market isn't the best right now, but our county has not been very affected by it. Most of the real estate agents I've talked to, and even a friend who is a mortgage broker says that business is still steady.

It makes me sad to sell my house. It is my first home, and we've only lived there for 15 months. Selling my house makes me feel like a failure; not only as a homeowner but has a wife and mother. Selling my house and moving back into an apartment or rental means that my marriage has failed, and that I have failed in providing for my children the home that I never had. I told DH months ago that if we ended up losing our home and I had to move into an apartment because of him not holding a job and being irresponsible, he would not be coming with me. I still mean that. If I move out of my house, my marriage is over. That is a really scary thought for me, because no matter what, I still love my husband. But right now, I just can't be sure that love is enough to save our relationship. I'm so confused.

There is a fine line between just "giving up" and refusing to be a doormat. I know my husband will accuse me of just giving up and turning my back on him, and I know many people will look at it the same way. However, I know in my heart that we are just postponing the inevitable by staying together. I'm not happy, and I really don't think he's happy either! Even though everyone around me says that happiness doesn't matter, but obviously it matters to me or I wouldn't be so miserable about NOT being happy!

Today or tomorrow I'm going to talk personally with the real estate agent and see what she says. If she gives me positive information, we will most likely put the house on the market. Then I will put the matter in God's hands.

I did well with eating yesterday, though. Stuck with my planned food/snacks. The scale was back down this morning, so that's good. Tomorrow I'll post my official number for the week.

I've been thinking so much about exercise lately, but still haven't made the first step. My intentions are good, but being tired and lazy always wins.

Irene (another blogger) mentioned keeping a journal/spreadsheet on her blog yesterday. I found a spreadsheet that a friend from my WW meeting had emailed to me a while back, but I would also like something so I can plug in calories, fat, and fiber, as well as points. If anyone knows of a good (free) spreadsheet or online journal - let me know!

9 comments:

Chews to Lose said...

I am so sorry to hear about everything that is going on right now. It's a lot to handle and then to stay healthy on top of it is even harder.
I completely understand how you feel about selling your house. I don't think that you're a failure because you want to get out from the burden - I've been out of work for a few months (looking but not a lot going on here right now) and we are starting to get swallowed by all of the costs that go into owning this house. I think that while it makes you sad to sell your home right now, in the end you'll feel so much lighter.
While I don't know how you feel about not being with your husband, I can sympathize. Sometimes people grow in different directions and things don't workout.
I hope that things get better soon! Take care and keep warm.

Rosie said...

Check the links section of WWMSG I think there is a link for a site that provides a free online journal. If you don't find it email me and I'll look around for you.

When it comes to married people I think couples should try every option... but regardless life is a gift and too short to not be completely happy.

Selling your house doesn't mean your failure... it just means you're willing to sacrfice and do what you feel is best for yourself and your family. Remember a house doesn't make a home, it's the people that live there that do.

bbubblyb said...

Hollie, I'm sorry you're going through so much lately. I understand how hard all the decisions you're making are. But like Rosie said a house doesn't make a home its the people that live there. As for your marriage, all I can say is if you feel you've done everything you can and you feel at peace walking away from it then you should. I know for me when my first marriage started failing, we tried couples therapy and when that didn't work I went on to therapy alone. It made me realize like you said sometimes love isn't enough, also made me realize I can't fix someone else. So I moved on and I can't tell you how much happier I was after that. Hang in there, everyone is here for you.

www.fitday.com is an online food journel I use.

skinnyhollie said...

I found Fitday.com and am trying it. I also found myfitnesspal.com and am going to compare the two. So far, I like myfitnesspal.com better because their database is more extensive and it seems more user friendly. We'll see how it goes...

Kendra said...

I really appreciate your blog because you're very honest and express yourself so well. I really enjoy it - you really let us connect to you. I have been reading for awhile now. It's more than just food - weight is the sum of our lives it seems!! Despite what's on the horizon, you seem ready and strong and you're going to be sucessful :)

Another Loser said...

www.traineo.com is a great site for keeping track of everything. I love it.

Keep up the good work, but get exercising. I PROMISE you will like it after a while!!!!

Skye's the Limit said...

Hollie, I think selling your house may be the best thing for you. At least then, you will be able to start over and fresh. It is obvious that you are not happy with your husabnd. Well, it's time to put Hollie first. Not just in regards to weight loss either. Girl, put yourself at the top of every list in your life! :o)

And like the others said, the house doesn't make the home, it's the people inside that do. If you are happy then that will rub off on your kids and they will be happy, too.

Good luck!

SeaShore said...

You have to do what's best for you!

This makes me sad: I have failed in providing for my children the home that I never had. Just because you're selling this house doesn't mean that's the end of the story, you know?

HopeFool said...

I am so sorry for your loss. And it is a loss. Even if you end up happily married until the day you die I know you've lost a part of your dream. You've lost the way you thought things would be.

I pray that it changes soon, and I believe you'll come out of it stronger.

I've got a spreadsheet I can email you if you would like. I made it myself. It tracks everything you can imagine...
Today's weight
BMI
Pounds lost this week
Pounds lost total
# days OP
Number of pounds to goal

Minutes of light/moderate/heavy Activity
Total Activity points earned
which it adds to the points allowed for the day

Then it has a food log block where you can enter all your food/points and it keeps a running total of
Points consumed
Points remaining
Max/min points for the day
and points in the bank

There's a water section that adds up your water in ounces

It has 16 WW points calculator blocks at the bottom with the points-math built in.

And a "Search Foods" link which launches a browser window to CalorieKing incase you need to look up a food. (Easily changed to whatever site you prefer...)

Each spreadsheet is 3 weeks long (because I don't know how to make the columns infinite - I don't think you can) so at the end of each 3 week period you'd have to transfer your pounds lost total to the next sheet.

Let me know...