Thursday, January 29, 2009

Roller Coaster

The past few days have been so full of ups and downs, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. It's even nauseating. Tuesday evening, we found out that we wouldn't be able to do the rapid refund (RAL) for our taxes. Although if we e-filed by 1/28, we could get the refund direct deposited by 2/6. So when I called the landlord of the new house to see if I could hold off a week, she said NO, that she needed the leased signed by 2/1. So I made arrangements to meet her at the house on Friday to sign the lease. That gave me 3 days to come up with about $800.

While I was crying my eyes out, my husband came in and I could tell that he was gloating. I could read his mind, and he was thinking that if I didn't get the house, I would have to at least stay with him another week before I would have the money to start looking for somewhere else. Then he started saying how it wasn't the end of the world, etc., and that's when I went off! I told him exactly what I thought of him, then stormed out of the room. I was so absolutely upset and discouraged at that point. I just didn't know what to do.

See, Clyde has been pretty docile for the past several days. But he is also highly medicated. But there's still something about him that scares me a little. What happens if he skips a dose of meds? Plus he is trying to manipulate my children to "talk me into" staying with him. My oldest daughter was crying the other night because she said her dad made her feel like if she didn't talk me into staying with him, it would be her fault our family broke apart. He even cornered my mother and tried to get her on his side. That shit just ain't right. I have to get away from him. SOON!

So yesterday morning was a snow day, so I had the whole day off. I pretty much cleaned and packed all day, and still only made a dent. But the UP side is that I think I have scraped together the money to move. Right now I'm only a couple hundred dollars short, but I think I can get it. I e-filed our taxes yesterday, and they were accepted by the deadline, so my anticipated refund date is 2/6. I also get paid that day, so I can repay the people who are loaning me money by then. Thank GOD for friends, right?

I have been eating pretty well, but not perfectly. I am totally lacking on my water, but we are out at home. I am not buying any groceries until Friday night because I don't want to have to move them to the new house. I would rather just go to the store and take my goods straight to my new place. I plan to be totally back on track by Sunday, since I will (hopefully) be moving furniture on Saturday. I'm SO ready to do this!

Clyde guilt trips me every chance he gets, and it's starting to make me feel guilty for what I am doing. I know I am right, and that this is the best thing for me to do. But this is a man that I've loved for ten years. I care about him, but I can't be with him anymore. I need clarity, and I can't get that while I'm still living with him. Tomorrow at 3:30 (when I meet the landlord), will be the start of my new life.

4 comments:

SeaShore said...

I hope you are able to come up with the rest of what you need. You and your kids need to get out of that toxic atmosphere NOW.

Good luck tomorrow - saying a prayer for you. And please be careful. When your husband realises you really are going, well, he sounds like he can be unpredictable.

Rosie said...

I'm praying for you and the children. You will get that money, we just have to think positive. I wish I had it I'd send it to you myself.

Be careful with Clyde... he sounds manipulative... don't let him guilt trip you. You're a strong smart woman, you know and are doing what is right for your and your children. You've already tried working things out with him, it didn't work. It's time to move on...

skinnyhollie said...

Manipulative and unpredictable - very good adjectives to describe this man. I am staying strong, and refuse to play this game any longer.

bbubblyb said...

I'm praying for you too that everything goes smoothly and you get to move this weekend. You're doing great with all the stress, hang in there.