Monday, February 23, 2009

Sliding backwards...

I should have known it last week when I saw the numbers "301" on the scale. I was too darned close to 299 to actually keep my ass in gear. I have been eating badly AGAIN! Why do I do this???? I get so close, then sabotage myself. I ate a whole box of Girl Scout Cookies yesterday. And I've already had two donuts today. I have been drinking water, at least. And I have not given up - nor do I plan to. But I know I'm not trying my best, and that I need to get it together. NOW!

I tried to reflect on what exactly is going on that is causing me to steer off track. One thing I can think of is not being on a schedule at home. For some reason, there just isn't enough hours in the day. I get off from work at 3:15, but last week it was sometimes 7 p.m. before we got home. There is so much "stuff" to do, and now that I have the sole responsibility of doing everything in my household, it's been so busy. I still have not finished unpacking, and I've lived there for over three weeks! I'm just not motivated to get it done when I'm so tired from everything else. I'm also tired because I'm going to bed too late. Most nights it's around 1 a.m., and I have to get up at 6 a.m. But I can't sleep! I hate sleeping alone, so I put it off and end up staying up too late. I need more sleep.

This weekend I started my new PT job at Lane Bryant. It went well, and seems like it will be a fun job. But being around all those clothes is going to be hard to resist. I love clothes! But my co-workers insist that impulse will wear off after a few weeks. I sure hope so. But working this weekend meant that I couldn't concentrate on getting the rest of the unpacking done. I did, however, get a lot of my garage cleaned out on Saturday morning. I got the deep freezer and xtra refrigerator cleaned out, and a lot of laundry done. I had friends over again last night, so nothing got done after work. But once again we had a blast, so it was worth it.

Tonight I plan on having company again. Jess's friend (and my new friend) is coming over to do laundry, and in exchange for using my washer/dryer, she is going to cut my son's hair and braid both of my girls' hair. I think Jess will probably come over again with her kids, so it will probably be another late night. I know I need to start cutting out the school night guests, but I really need the distraction right now. It helps to have a friend to talk to in person, and I think my kids also like having fun as a distraction. I know it is a lot easier to crash and go to sleep after they leave! Seven kids under one roof is an adventure!

I'm not waiting until tomorrow to get back on track...it starts right now. So far I've had a packet of oatmeal (3 pts) and leftover spaghetti (5 pts). And an apple. I've also had two donuts, though. But I plan on eating light for the rest of the day, eating a lot of fruits and veggies. Tomorrow is WW weigh in, but I'm not stressing about the numbers for some reason. I'm more concerned about my lifestyle change and how I feel when I'm eating well. I know I feel awesome, and I sure as hell like the way my new size 24's fit! That's my goal...to eat healthy food so I can look great and feel great - no matter what the number on the scale is. I really think if I concentrate on being healthy and making healthy choices, the numbers on the scale will come...

8 comments:

Jim said...

You said: "I'm not waiting until tomorrow to get back on track...it starts right now."

Yes! That's the right attitude. Best wishes to you.

HopeFool said...

Since you're starting over now, even after the doughnut debacle, all I can say is carry on!

Twoderville will still be there when you arrive next week!

bbubblyb said...

I think you're doing great with all that's going on in your life these days. Good luck with weigh-in tomorrow.

CJ said...

Just forgive yourself and move on. Don't fret over it. I can't answer why you do this to yourself, because, well, I do it too!

Enjoy your friends. They are a source of comfort for you right now! You can do this!!!

Karyn said...

For someone who says she is not motivated to get things done, you sure get alot done!

It is good that you have friends to share your evenings with...and you are facing huge changes in your life - don't be too hard on yourself about the cookies and donuts....just do what you are saying you'll do - not give up.

Continue to make the changes to have a healthy lifestyle...you are right, the numbers will follow!

I think you are doing GREAT!!!

Irene said...

It must be nice to come home to a home that is peaceful. I remember when I first moved out of my mother's house, it was so nice to walk in the door and not have to worry about what psychotic episode she was going to have that day.

Calypso Rain said...

Hollie, right now your juggling the life changes of becomming head of household and weight loss. They are two HUGE factors that are going to effect you on so many levels. It's going to take you a while to find the right balance of commitment to each but shunning your friends during the week may not be such a good idea, nothing can make you more of an emotional eater than depression. Best Of Luck Hun, We'll all be watching. You can do it!

meandww said...

I have been there lately too...

good attitude! Start now! no time like the present!