Thursday, February 19, 2009

Thursday already...

This week seems to have just flown by! I didn't post yesterday because I was pretty uninspired. I ate very well, and stayed within my points. I said no to the cereal that was calling my name last night, and even tried to go to bed early (11:15 p.m.). I went back to Publix last night and re-upped my supply of fruit. I'm still good on veggies, but the fruit was all gone. I got mangoes, oranges, applies, strawberries, and a pear. Before I went to bed I made a fruit salad w/ mangoes, pears, and strawberries to take to work today. I also brought along a bowl of baby spinach, and planned on eating it for lunch with some of the fruit and a new raspberry vinaigrette dressing I bought. Never really tried a vinaigrette before, but I thought it looked good. When I got to work I remembered that I had a packet of light tuna, so I think I'll add that, too.

I had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and it was pretty bland. I need to start adding pumpkin and other goodies like I see so many other bloggers doing. I like oatmeal for breakfast because it keeps me pretty filled up until lunch. I've all but cut out my coffee in the mornings. It's amazing how I don't miss it that much. Clyde used to always get up and fix coffee, so it was ready when I got up. But now that it's up to me to either set it the night before or prepare it in the mornings, I rarely do.

I think I'm going out again tonight. Jess goes to a club in Nashville on Thursday nights and she really wants me to go with her. I'm not really a "club" person, but I guess why not? Fun times and laughter is keeping me from thinking too much about Clyde and how broke I am.

Clyde called yesterday and he was suicidal. I cried for less than a minute after I got off the phone with him, and five minutes later I was okay and folding laundry. It was much later that I realized this was not my normal reaction to emotions surrounding my marriage. I don't feel guilty at all about being happy and relaxed while he is homeless and miserable. Maybe it means I'm really moving on. Or I'm just a cold bitch. I have no desire to take him back. I don't wish him dead, and I don't hate him. But I don't want to be with him anymore. Period.

4 comments:

bbubblyb said...

Good for you Hollie and you are far from a cold bitch, you are taking care of yourself and the kids and that's what should come first. Way to go on all the food prep stuff and eating healthy. Hope you have a great time tonight if you go out. Wish I was going with you, I could use a girl's night out.

HopeFool said...

"Thursday already" is exactly how I feel this week. I can't believe how it has flown by.

"Cold bitch" isn't what I'd call it. I think you're developing a healthy sense of detachment. It is absolutely necessary to break yourself free from codependency. I googled this for you so you'd know I wasn't making this up...

"Healthy detachment wears many identities. Letting others take care of their own affairs
and not doing for others what they need to do for themselves is detachment. Not creating or
preventing a crisis when it’s clearly not our business to be involved is detachment. Not
manipulating others to carry our some aspect of their lives according to our wishes rather
than according to their own plan is detachment. It is neither kind nor unkind to be detached.
It is simply being in charge of the only things we need to be in charge of."

See? You are doing the right thing!

Rosie said...

I am so proud, I think I've told you this 100 times already, but I am.

It's not about being a cold bitch, it's just that you're moving on... we sometimes get to a point that we just have to let go. I haven't been with my daughter's father since 1996, but up until about 2 years ago when Ross came in the pictures I always at least a tiny bit of responsibility for my BD (baby daddy), even though I didn't want to be with him, I was the one who was never in love, but I cared about his well being... even when he stopped supporting Vi and hasn't been there for her I was still trying to help him. I thought if I got him back on his feet he would be a father again to her... but that didn't happen... so guess what he got cut out. Sometimes we just have to let go and move on.

Calypso Rain said...

Life teaches us you can't save the world, sometimes the best thing you can do is save YOURSELF. I think your well on your way to doing this. Your getting stronger both physically and emotionally that doesn't make you cold. Hang in there after a while this will all seem like a dream and you'll scarecely remember the details.