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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Can you define "normal"?

First off, I want to thank all of you for the prayers and nice comments that you have left me over the past several weeks. I have always received so much encouragement and support on this blog - I think it's just amazing. LIFE has calmed down just a bit... I still have a crazy ex on the loose. I am still broke. And I am still struggling with being a single mom. BUT, at this point I choose to focus on the positive. We are safe, and we continue to be blessed. Yeah, I did think I was going to lose my mind for a while, but I didn't - just some of it!

At one point over this weekend, I decided that I felt really good and was back to my "happy place". Even with all the madness around me, I have this "happy place" I crawl into, where I don't worry about tomorrow, and I don't worry about the past. In that place, I only live for the moment. And at that moment, I was happy. I was at my best friends house, surrounded by laughter and positive people. I decided that I just couldn't dwell on things that are out of my hands. Of course, I knew this already. But I guess I just needed a reminder...

This is my 2nd day back on plan. I decided on Sunday that I couldn't keep eating like sh*t anymore. Yeah, its quick and easy. Yeah, it tastes good. But the stomach bloat I was feeling was uncomfortable. The muffin top over my jeans didn't look so good. And did I see the double chin creeping back on? Oh NO! So I woke up yesterday and decided to eat healthy, one meal at a time. I decided that I would eat clean, balance my meals, drink lots of water, and go to the gym. And guess what? I did it!

This morning when I woke up my damned truck wouldn't start. It was pouring down rain, and I had no one to call for help. Thank GOD for nice neighbors who gave us a ride to school. So, staying focused on eating at school was a struggle, because I was having a bad day, right? But somehow, I made it through. I got a ride home, but had no way to go to the gym. So I mowed my lawn and got a great workout. It's been raining like a dog here in TN for the past week or so, so the grass was thick and damp - hard to push mow. By the time I got finished I was SO tired, but tired in a "burned a lot of calories" way.

Normally, I have class on Wed and Thurs night, so I can't go to the gym. But guess what? Class got cancelled this week, so I plan on hitting the gym tomorrow after school. My gym bag is already packed from this morning. I can already tell a difference in how I feel. I still have bloat, but it's also TOM so I blame him for that. I am optimistic that I can have another good day tomorrow. I know I CAN do it. I just have to WANT it bad enough to focus and JUST DO IT. No matter what happens, I need to do this for me.

Oh, and the scale obviously knew that I needed some help - I've only gained 3.6 lbs! I got on and off several times to make sure - I was sure that number was closer to 10 lbs! And I would have deserved it - every pound! But now that I don't have so much back-tracking to worry about, I can concentrate on moving forward. I want to be 260 lbs by November 7 (TSU's homecoming). Jess and I are making plans to join in the festivities, and I want to look good! Now that I have a goal in mind, it's time to put in the work to achieve it!

BTW - I do miss you guys so much! I have a lot of catching up to do. I can't promise to blog daily since I can't blog from work anymore, but I promise to not go weeks at time anymore. I also got a new cell phone, and plan on using Twitter a lot more. If you Twit, follow me!

22 comments:

Gigi said...

It's so good to hear from you again and I'm glad you're in a better place than last time. You have so much resilience and I love your positive attitude.

Don't sweat the small gain - you'll get rid of it in no time. Hang in there!

Emmett said...

Hollie, being a single mom must be soo hard. I feel bad for myself many times but being single and having a child must be even harder. Good job with only a small gain. Sometimes thats the best we can do and its ok.
I have twitter but still trying to figure out how to use it. I only go on in on occasion, but I have it linked to my facebook updates, not sure if it always works though.

whenilookinthemirror said...

Hollie- Wow! I too often succumb to the power of negative thinking -- your actions and thoughts are such a positive inspiration! You have all the right tools for continued success.

Shelley said...

Thanks for checking in - I'm glad life is getting better for you. LOVE your attitude...you have been through so much and yet stay so strong and positive - you truly are a "can-do" woman!

Lori said...

Thanks for checking in! Having a positive attitude goes a long way to keeping you on track.

HopeFool said...

I'm really relieved to hear all this from you. I can stop worrying now, right?

CGT said...

Hey, I've also started a weight loss blog as well! I've been searching around for others who are trying weight loss naturally. I loved your blog, and I've started following. Mine is located here. http://chubbygirlslim.blogspot.com. I'm new at this and I only have a few posts, but having others there knowing I'm not alone makes the struggle less of one.

Greta www.bigbottomblogger.blogspot.com said...

Hang in there Hollie...and, great job getting back to the gym and giving your body nourishing food! You WILL prevail! You are setting such a great example for your children.....perserverence, optimism, and hard work. (and a rockin' bod!) YOU GO GIRL!

Jules said...

Staying on track depsite our life, is the hardest thing to do. Good job getting back on track! :)

Once you get back int eh groove, those 3lbs will melt away! :)

Denise said...

I just found your blog and checked out your progress pictures...WOW!! Keep up the great work, you look awesome!!

Fat[free]Me said...

Just catching up on your blog. Sorry to hear about the hard time you have been having lately, but well done on keeping your head above water.

((hugs))

bbubblyb said...

I'm sorry you've been going through so much. I'm so happy though that you are finding some "happy place" time and making the best of things. I can't imagine how tough it must be for you on your own with the kids. Hang in there. *hugs*

HopeFool said...

Hi Hollie,
I was thinking about you this morning and just thought I'd check in.
I hope everything is on an even keel for you, hon.

Stop in? Let us know how you are doing...

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biz319 said...

Sorry things are not looking good for you - that's scary having to get an order of protection!

Sending huge hugs your way!

kamaral said...

More power to you Hollie. As a trainer, it would be great if all my clients could be as positive as you. Great Blog! kamaral.com.

Lyn said...

Wow, I am so sorry you've been having to deal with all of that. I haven't been reading many blogs lately (dealing with my own crap) so I didn't see the last couple of posts.

Hang in there and do whatever you have to to PROTECT yourself and your kids! He sounds loony. I hope you can get to a safe place. Hugs.

Sugar-Free Cupcake said...

Its all about one day (or one meal) at a time! Keep it up!!

Lisa said...

Hope your doin' good Hollie! I have a new site. It's
http://inweighovermyhead.blogspot.com/

- Lisa

makememini said...

I've just started reading your blog and really love it. I've started a weight loss blog of my own and reading yours makes me feel like I'm part of a community. It's rough to do it all alone. So thank you so much for helping me stay on course. And I'd love it if you'd pop by my blog to check it out!
http://makememini.wordpress.com/

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