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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Day 1 - update...

I almost NEVER post twice in one day, but I really felt compelled to check back in and report that I did NOT binge today! I felt strong, and made pretty good choices.

I had to stop by the store this afternoon - when you are eating healthy, fresh food you have to stop by the store more often I've found - and I admit that I felt a little urge to buy some pie. I also felt myself wondering if there was still any Easter candy left. But I firmly told myself NO each time. I also think I need to add CAKE to the list of forbidden foods...

I talked to my ex today about how I am feeling, and about the binging. I feel like he understands what I am going through because he also battles addiction. He agrees that if there is food that is causing me to lose control, then I need to avoid that food until I get stronger. There have been times that I know of that he has had to avoid certain areas of town while he is in recovery - just driving down a certain street can make him have the urge to use. It may be silly, but when your sobriety is on the line - you will just find another route to get to where you are going. Right now - I am going down another route!

No exercise today - it's been raining and hail had been pouring down sporadically - and it's suddenly COLD again! WTF??? I think the dreary weather, along with TOM starting is contributing to my depresed mood. I really need to break out my supplements and start taking them again - but that is another GOAL to keep up with, and I don't want to add too much to the GOAL list until I make some of my current GOALS stick.

I tracked ALL OF MY FOOD today:) And I also got in 56 oz of water today - WAY up from what I have been drinking.

I was running late this morning, and didn't get to make my smoothie for breakfast. By 9 a.m. I was STARVING and ended up eating part of my lunch. I ended up going to the cafeteria at around 12:30 and getting some potato wedges because I knew I wasn't going to make it until dinner. Gretta, and maybe someone else suggested more food/protein during the day and I agree that I need to work on that.

Today's food:
Blueberry cereal bar
coffee w/ sugar free creamer
almond butter & sugar free jam sandwhich on whole wheat bread
1 oz. cheddar cheese
1 c. grapes
potato wedges w/ ketchup
chocolate milk
1/2 c. granola
1 pkg crackers w/ pb & honey
3 sl. french toast (made w/egg beaters, almond milk, and wheat bread)
5 sl. turkey bacon 
1/2 c. light maple syrup
1/2 c. strawberries
small slice of angel food cake
fat free whipped cream (from can)
2 - 12 oz coke zero's

Not a perfect day of eating - but much better than yesterday! I have to start planning better -  I forgot I had orientation after work today, so I grabbed granola and the crackers to tide me until dinner. I am having a hard time waking up on time in the mornings again - even though I am getting 7 - 8 hours of sleep! 

Again - thank you all for the encouragement you have given me over the past couple of days. I am so afraid to post things sometimes because I don't want to disappoint my friends on here. But I am glad that I was honest - to you and for me. To truly move forward and beat this - I have to be honest.

10 comments:

mbm1forever said...

Nice job, Hollie. No disappointment at all.

MamaTwana said...

Hollie, I think it is wonderful that you are tracking and being accountable and most importantly HONEST about your struggles.

We are here to help you! Not to get disappointed by you.

Way to go on your progress... REMEMBER... you are never gonna be perfect everyday. The key (a recent epiphany for me) is to make sure we keep going. Dont let little things derail you.

This is a lifetime of change you are working on.

Its about health at this point, FOCUS on being healthy and then worry about the next step later :)

Love and Health,

~Twana

Certifiably Fit said...

Sounds like you are making progress. Great job not binging today. It also sounds like you reached out for support from your Ex and that sounds like it was helpful for you. Keep up the good work.

Trina said...

I know what you mean about the store Hollie. Sometimes just going is So hard!! I'm proud of you though. I'm learning that (well i tell myself) That the only way im going to win this war is buy winning it one battle at a time and your battle was walking past the Easter candy that day, and you won!!

I also applaud you for journaling your food!! That is so hard and ive never gotten the hang of it consistantly. I do know that it will help you see things you may not realize your doing. I have every confidence your going to win your war because the best generals always plan ahead!!

Go Hollie!! I see you with your hat cocked to the side and plans all rolled up under your arm!! Get em girl!!

Trina~

Jules said...

I'm finally caught up on your blog. Feels good to read where you've been for the last month. And honey, remember... the point of blogging is to be accountable and NOT FEEL SO ALONE!! Holey moley your not alone. I binged the other day on frozen raw cookie dough... it was ugly.... REAL ugly. And yeah, I don't journal when i eat horrible. hence why my food journal the last 2 weeks has been consistantly "filled" out in the morning and by dinner... it's empty.
You're still doing a fantastic job in my book because you are still trying. And I'm so glad you've gotten off the "diet" and onto a road for healthiness. really, being healthy has nothing to do with the # on our scale, the size of our jeans... it has everything to do with how we eat and move. And those 2 things being good and healthy, will the effect the scale and our jeans. Now, getting our brains to realize that does not equal a diet is the hardest part. I'm always here, even if I'm not reading and commenting as often these days. Keep up the hard work Hollie!! I'm proud of you!!

Sherazade96 said...

Have you ever considered specifically keeping a binge-eating meal journal? It's essentially the same as a regular food journal, except that you should also note your hunger levels and emotions when you eat. For instance:

Meal Diary

Breakfast
Hunger Level (0-5)
Emotions
Food Eaten
Fullness Level (0-5)

Lunch
Hunger Level (0-5)
Emotions
Food Eaten
Fullness Level (0-5)

Dinner
Hunger Level (0-5)
Emotions
Food Eaten
Fullness Level (0-5)

Snack 1
Hunger Level (0-5)
Emotions
Food Eaten
Fullness Level (0-5)

Snack 2
Hunger Level (0-5)
Emotions
Food Eaten
Fullness Level (0-5)

You can read more information about binge-eating here: http://www.phoenixrevolution.net/?p=79

LA said...

Honesty is the best policy! Especially when it comes to being honest with yourself. ;) Great job!

Congrats on tracking your food and avoiding the temptations!! I know that feeling all too well.

The most important thing to remember is ... you are not alone. You have good days, bad days, in between days. :) Share them all! Learn from them. And know that no one is going to judge you. <3

maepress said...

hello, just found your blog - you seem like a sweet and thoughtful person. I thought that you might enjoy this post from another blog that I read called "vegan hope"
http://veganhope.com/2009/08/05/my-big-fat-life-a-series-fear/

This post not about being vegan, it's about the fear of becoming thin. Because of what you had said about your reasons for being overweight having to do with a difficult childhood, I just thought her words might be of comfort to you.

Good luck on your journey, and remember that it's the journey that matters, not the destination.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I know that feeling of having a crowd watching you eat or weigh in. It's probably one of the best benefits of blogging, because secret eating was my vice. Now I feel a million eyes on me when I think about cheating...

La Bella Donna said...

Hey, I typed in 'weight loss blogs' into google and yours was at the very top of the page.

If you're looking for a good place to track calories and exercise, I would like to recommend sparkpeople.com. It's a free website that helps people lose weight and get healthier. I really like it.