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Saturday, August 21, 2010

Again

Sometimes I wonder why I just don't get it...

I have found myself here more times that I want to admit.

Starting over.

Yep.

Again.

I know I am out of control. Again.

I made up my mind that THIS IS THE DAY. No excuses.

I am starting with a sugar detox... I just know that sugar is the root of all my problems. I MUST get past this addiction if I am to succeed. Today, I found myself grabbing a pastry off the breakfast table at my MAE orientation... I took a bite before I even realized what I was doing.... then immediately ran over to the trashcan and spit it out. No excuses. I have to detox so I can regain some sort of control.

My "life" just won't let up.

New career as a teacher is very hectic. So is being a single mom and juggling three kids. But to top it off, my mom is at the point where I fear she is unable to take care of herself and my nephew. The crap has basically hit the fan in that situation... and on top of the new school year starting and getting in the swing of things there, while also being a student myself and trying to complete grad school... and well, everything else... I am so overwhelmed.

And I have started eating my way through the stress. Again.

So, here I am... again... asking for help and support. Blog writing/reading helps me stay focused so you'll see me around more often.

Here we go again!

19 comments:

solidice242 said...

I hope you are able to get on track soon and I hope that you will be able to get a grip on your hectic life. Sometimes we forget that we still have to take care of ourselves even though others may need our help too... I just started reading your blog today but you sound like a strong person you will get things together... Good Luck

The Incredible Shrinking Family said...

It's not the fact that you get knocked down that defines you- that is simply life. The fact that you keep getting back up and trying again makes you a winner. Sidetracked, but a winner none the less. You will succeed !

Nicolette said...

Keep the Faith Hollie.
The journey is about winning the war. We will all lose a few of the battles. What's important is that you are on the journey.. For some it will be weeks, months.. for others years or a lifetime. Self revelation is such a gift. So don't beat yourself up about falling. Embrace the things you've learned, Stop thinking that you've failed. You're still here aren't you? lol. Bless you Hollie.

Winner at a Losing Game said...

Read Lyn's blog about keeping with it even when you don't quite make it. Keep believing in yourself. You are worth the effort.

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

I am reading a book that is really helping me change my habits... it's called Dr. Anderson's Habits of Health. It is so hard to make healthy changes when everything around us is pointing us towards unhealthy choices. Grrrrr! But I love your determination!! You go girl. Never give up!

~Margene

MaryB. said...

Being the control freak that I am, the plan I came up with for myself suits me fine. If you're a control freak, then it could work for you, too. Everyone is different, but you just never know. With so much around us OUT of our control, our food and how we eat it is one thing we can grab tightly, and SHAKE into submission. :-) www.caloricallyresponsible.blogspot.com
Good Luck, Hollie. We all find our way, eventually. Hang in there!

Zoe D. said...

We know it's hard, Hollie, but you CAN do this. You are a strong, intelligent, capable woman.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

And we're here for you....

Heather said...

It's so hard... but so worth it. I'm back on track again... trying to re-lose 80 pounds. I will say this... the more stressful your life, the more you need to focus on clean eating/nutrition to make sure you have the mental acuity and physical strength to do all that you have to do. I've been there... single full time working mom of three (boys!) trying to be all things to all people. I'm telling you, it's much easier to do it healthy than unhealthy! Best wishes!
heather

Trish said...

Hey Hollie, dont beat yourself up for trying. Sounds like you have so much on your plate & you are succeeding on so many levels. Maybe look to cahnging one habit at a time, lots of baby steps add up over time, that way your not putting so much pressure on your already busy world.
Best of luck

Val N. said...

Hollie,

My life is the busiest its ever been, so I can relate. Here's how I'm using it to my advantage. I plan out all my family meals a week in advance, so I know I have all the ingredients, and can thaw stuff in time, so I'm not scrambling last minute to try to put a healthy meal together.

I also pack my lunch and snacks the night before, so I know I have healthy fuel for my busy day, so I'm less tempted by the vending machines.

Hope this helps. Stay strong, and keep fighting. You can do this.

Lyn said...

Hollie, I wish you lived closer! I think we'd be great IRL friends!

You are determined and stubborn and persistant, and that's going to get you there. Don't feel bad... hey, it took me 20 months to lose a pound, LOL. You will find it. It is within you! I am always cheering you on :)

Jennifer said...

Hi Hollie. I guess you are busy these days! Wow! I dont know if this helps but one thing I have learned is that once I got past a certain point in my journey I became some kind of a different person. A better person. I became a better mom, wife, daughter, etc. This was so eye opening to me and I kept asking myself why i hadnt done "this" sooner. And it wasnt really about the weight loss, it was more about how different I felt about me. The pride and happiness I had lost along the way in the shuffle came back.
I say this because after my second daughter was born she was pretty sick, and there was so much stress for me. I was overwhelmed and it felt like eating was the only thing that made me feel better...but just for a few minutes. It was how I coped. I look back on that now, and since hindsight is 20/20 I now realize that in that stressful time I probably could have actually helped myself, and therefore others, better by exercising, eating better, and really just taking a few minutes out (literally) for myself.
I hadnt intended on this becoming a novel, but I guess it did :( But anyway, my point is to take the time for YOU regardless of how busy and stressed things get. Take care of YOU both mentally and physically so you can take care of everyone else. I only wish I learned this lesson sooner!!!

Jennifer
http://wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com/

Kelly @ Structure House said...

It's very powerful that you were able to realize the control sugar had-even if you had already taken a bite of that pastry, you DID put it down. You will succeed if you keep at it. Do you have a food diary to write down everything? That will help as you plan meals, you may even find temptations that pop up won't be as appealing because you won't want to go off your plan. Good luck to you!

youvsweightloss said...

Wow, lots of great comments here! When you are losing weight for good there may not be an "again" it's all just part of the lifelong process. Acknowledging shifts in priorities and taking time to realign yourself is normal and necessary and might be part of your success plan--not a setback at all. Congrats and best wishes!

D. said...

Hi, Hollie! I feel the same!!! I lost count of how many times I started a journal promising myself that 'THIS TIME I'm gonna make it work!'.
It can be so frustrating sometimes. And then, every little thing that happens during my day that upsets me, is a reason for more 'comfort eating'... Go, girl! Good luck! Think Positive!!!

Deidre said...

I read about you on the Healthy Living section of Shine today. I just wanted to send words of encouragement. I read your blog post about detoxing from sugar. I could have written that post myself. I am 40 lbs overweight. I have yo-yo dieted most of my life. I was able to keep my weight under control (although sometimes by unhealthy approaches) up until about 10 years ago. I have lost and gained 40 lbs two times over the last 3 or 4 years. I guess my point in writing is to just let you know that you are not alone in your journey. I will once again go sugar free on saturday. I have done it before and feel great when I am sugar free but inevitably I fall off the wagon and getting back on sometimes seems impossible. I must remind myself that sugar is a drug (at least for me it is) and I have to treat it as such. Peace and grace to you.

Monsieur riche said...

Keep it up!

It ain't easy but will keep you healthy!

Corinne

Maigrir

Trevor said...

You totally deserve the support you're asking for. I myself know what its like to eat through stress.

I find your blog inspirational, and hope you will check out mine too. Lost 35 pounds now in 35 days. Working towards 100.

Chelsea Clark said...

Thank you for an believable weight loss blog! by switching back and forth between weights and my elliptical trainer I have lost 30 pounds!!!!!