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Saturday, March 5, 2011

How the scale dictated my day...

Yesterday was Biggest Loser weigh-in at school.

Thursday night, I had a GREAT "last chance workout". I ate a salad for dinner. Overall, I was pleased with my week. I woke up Friday morning, and my scale at home had me down. .8 for the week. Since it's I've had TOM since Monday, I thought having a loss at all was pretty darned great! My pants were loose, my shirt was loose... I was feeling so good about myself! I figured that I would probably stay the same on the scale at school, but that it would all catch up next week for the last weigh-in.

Then I got to school and got on that old, antique, inaccurate scale. It said I GAINED four lbs. FOUR. When a size 4 co-worker came in and announced she had lost 3 lbs, I just lost it. I cried. I actually cried.

See, if it weren't for this challenge, I wouldn't have cared what the scale at school said. But the competition at school has suddenly turned into just that... a competition. With one more weigh-in left, everyone is suddenly all about winning. Except for me, I guess. Yes, I would love to have an extra $75, but I would rather have the encouragement of people at my workplace. But the encouragement has left the building. People have actually been saying how happy they are when people gain or stay the same because it gives them a chance to win. Not cool.

So now I just feel... humiliated? No one cares about my scale at home, or the fact that my pants are loose, and I am increasing my workouts at the gym. They only care that I "gained" 4 lbs. That I really didn't gain at all. I was so frustrated.

And it ruined my day. I actually thought about not weighing in next week and just withdrawing from the competition.

But I won't. I will finish... not only this competition, but my JOURNEY. See, most of these people will stop trying to lose because they are only losing for a cruise or a vacation or a cash prize. I am in this for LIFE.

My birthday falls on the last day of school this year. And I have a goal in mind...

For my birthday in 2009 I had lost down to a size 20, and bought a great pair of jeans that I loved. I had to retire those jeans in January 2010 because I had started to re-gain the weight and they were SKIN TIGHT. Those jeans are still hanging in my closet, and I'm going to wear them again on my birthday this year.

Watch out.... :)

31 comments:

Blubeari said...

omg I can totally relate. :-( I have stopped participating in challenges or competitions of any kind, weight loss wise because they completely ruin my successes. No matter how well I do I always 'lose' to someone. I love contests for the motivations, but they totally do that. I mean just look at the Biggest Loser on TV!!! The contestants will lose like 7 pounds in a week and they're all crying because it's 'not enough'. I love that show anyway though, lol. Anyway.... keep it up girl. It sounds like you're right on track. Don't let any competition ruin your successes for you.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman said...

Hollie, I know this feeling all to well. People get all excited about the prospect of winning, but miss the big picture. You haven't lost sight of that big picture. You know exactly what you are fighting for. And that definately makes you a winner. Or the Biggest Loser. However you want to look at it that makes you feel on top. ;)
You just keep working it. We will make sure you are encouraged here, even if the people at your school have long forgotten their competition.

Jules said...

oh Hollie... reading that put me to tears and made me excited at the same time. Tears because of the rooting for people to not lose and not being supportive. It's suppose to be a competition full of support and your not getting that. If I could be there, I so would :) Excited for you to stand up and know that this scale at school is not the end all of your life/journey.

Look at YOUR scale and YOUR accomplishments, look at your life and your goal and remember that no matter what that damn scale and school says, you are winning. You are proving it with your non scale victories! and that matter more than anything.

Keep up the hard work. Hugs and love to you.

BrendaKaye said...

I know, I hate the scale. You are so right when you say you are in it for life, not for a contest. Me too! I think those jeans hanging in your closet are a great goal. I too have some smaller clothes peeking at me in my closet that I am so looking forward to wearing again. Hoping you have a great weekend!

Kelley said...

Kept your eyes on YOUR prize - which is far more valuable than $75!!

Stacey said...

Don't let those people get you down...it's like that at my work sometimes too. I don't even let them know what or how I'm doing anymore, just not worth the drama. I agree with Kelley, YOUR prize is worth much more than $75..you'll get there, just keep on going!!! You're doing great. And your new hair looks fabulous too! :)

Me said...

This is why I don't do weight loss competitions, except those in my head. For every winner, there are dozens of losers. I also have a habit of intentionally losing the competition, subconsciously, although I don't fully understand the process.

weightsos said...

I have this feeling as well, but just remember the goal you say in your life.

weightsos said...

I have this feeling as well. When this happen, I always remember my goal in my life.

Shrinkella said...

I HATE how the scale plays mind tricks. It doesn't matter that you know in the back of your head that it isn't right. I have been there, too. It sounds like it's one of those weeks where you just have to block out other people and realize that you're in this for the long haul and you're on the right track. It sounds like that is what you're doing. Just keep it up!! :)

Jamie said...

Hey Hollie,

I can relate to this blog on so many levels. I think you are doing great and I hope you dont feel deflated. Keep up the hard work!!

The Fat Lady said...

I know exactly how you feel. Good on you for deciding to do this for yourself, not for a prize and bragging rights. If the prize is $75 it's very possible the winner will spend it on a lavish dinner and start to plonk those pounds right back on. I've just began my own blog about my battle (http://deathofafatlady.blogspot.com)It's a tough thing doing this publicly. Plus if you're working out so much (very inspirational!) you'll be replacing that nasty fat with sexy muscle. Don't be disheartened if you've put on a few pounds in a week. Muscle weights more! You're a winner and I'll be following!

CCbutterfly82 said...

I stay away from the work weight loss things because i find they turn out that way!!! and it can some times make me go way off track for a while , but keep up the work you can get in to those jeans!!!!
CC

Christie said...

Hollie, you hold your head up high girl!!! Inches are so much better than pounds! Kill em' with kindness and let them eat their heart out when your in your jeans on your bday!! :)

www.changingfromfattofit.blogspot.com

Casey said...

That's so awful! Its just a number though and you're in in to win it...just for yourself and forever. Keep perspective. You're doing a good thing here.

www.runningoutofme.blogspot.com

Jill Anne White said...

It sounds like the only healthy challenge is the one you have set for yourself.

I hope you can get to a place in your heart where pettiness and selfishness about weight loss no longer affect you and make you cry.

You are the only person whose opinion really counts about you; so be your own best friend and don't worry about the other people.

Wendie said...

I know how you feel - I've been in tears too! You should be proud of how well you did with a loss, no matter what the stupid scale at school said. You have been doing a wonderful job - just keep it up!

Wendie.
http://seattlefatchick.blogspot.com/

Alexia @ Dimple Snatcher said...

I absolutely love this post, Hollie. I'm sorry you felt sad, but I love that you know that you're in it for life. All the distractions...they're just noise. Be well hon :))

The Chubee Chick Diaries... said...

YOU GO GIRL! Don't let anyone steer you away from your goal. And besides that- your inspiring tons of us here on the blogger community. So no matter wha happens with the competition at your job, just know that your still inspiring others every day. And that's huge!!!!!!!! :)

Aidan said...

Hi, I just ran across your site! It can be so frustrating to be in a weight loss competition. Some people just lose weight so much easier and don't understand that it's not the same for everyone. But don't worry- you'll get there eventually! I'm glad I ran across your site and you're more than welcome to visit mine at www.beyondtheweightingplace.com. I'll see you around and I look forward to reading more! :)

Doug Hart said...

I totally agree, weight loss should be at your own pace. I have never heard of a contest that the winner actually kept the weight off! It's an ongoing thing, right? A healthy lifestyle is much better...

lose weight

POOKiiEs_Pursuit said...

I love reading your blog because I feel you are somewhat of my work out buddy. I am 24 years old and started working out on Valentine’s Day. My beginning weight was 205 and currently I am weighing in at 191(on my home scale). The reason I provided this information is because I too have an evil scale (at my gym) that lies to me too. I weighed myself on it last night and I am still at 205. It has been almost a month since I started my workout and I have learned that who cares what this scale or that scales says, I feel better and I know I am more active than I have been in years. Keep doing what you are doing because you are truly an inspiration to me and I know you will achieve any goals you set for yourself.

Beginning Anew said...

Not cool! I don't like the competitive weight loss thing. It's good for reality t.v. ratings but not for your feelings. I would have cried too. Glad it's almost over - not the right kind of pressure in my opinion. You don't need that crap - you got this!

Skyler said...

I hear you! I've been struggling with weight for years, but I was *really* big....I lost 130 pounds on Atkins in the past two years, and now I'm down to 230. Still fighting - but boy, once you fit in size 16-18 from size 26-28, it sure is way more encouraging than any amount of cash!

Keep at it!
Cheers,
Skyler


PS - feel free to visit my blog if you feel like it - http://www.realwaystoloseweight.com/category/skylers-blog/

getting Fit said...

keep with it...we all get the ups and downs...you can do it!

Pink Cupcake Weddings said...

Hi Hollie, I have the same issues with the scale. It totally dictates how my day is going to go. I finally put the scale in the closet so that I would only weigh in once a week! That sucks your coworkers are not supportive. I work at a school and have done BL competitions there too, it does seem to get crazy competitive. Good luck with the rest of the challenge!

happilythinnerafter.blogspot.com

bonkasaurus said...

Dont get discouraged, though the extra 75 would be nice those that are losing will probably gain it back. You are looking at losing weight for the long run which is waaay better because you are more likely to keep it off. sometimes competitions can be good, but dont let the numbers get to you, a loss is a loss and any decrease on the scale is good :) I love your blog, I just started my own weightloss blog check it out http://fight2thefittest.wordpress.com/

Fat To Slim said...

Good for you for not letting the actions of others dictate your own success. I'll continue to follow your blog with interest.

scrapwordsmom said...

Hollie...I can relate to your entire post. I have such horror stories of the scale:(

Today when I get on the scale and I have gained even a .2...I freak out. I can be wearing smaller jeans, standing tall and confident then get on that scale and it's all she wrote!

I am proud of you...and what a wonderful goal!!!

Holly M Gonzalez said...

WOW, I just came across this blog and I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. The process of losing weight is...well, it sucks! But when you reach a place where you feel comfortable in your body, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world..I've been there, and good luck getting there too! : )

Weight Loss...Impossible? said...

It's so hard not to allow the scale dictate our day, isn't it? At the end of the day, though, it doesn't really matter what the scale at the school said, it matters that you can see that you are losing and the proof is in your loose-fitting clothes.

Great goal to get back into those jeans!!