Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Time to write...

My personal life is imploding.

I am a pretty private person. Most people don't know my business unless they are in my "circle". And my circle is small.

Today I am *stressed about a personal situation that I am going through with someone. Well, it's really more than one person involved. But one person that is important to me. And I just felt the need to write. I know that some will ask what does this have to do with my weight loss. But this is the kind of stuff that can throw me off the wagon faster than a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

But today, I am not eating my way through the stress. I actually went on a walk. I loaded up my ipod with some new songs I've purchase, and I walked for 45 minutes. And although I feel somewhat better, I am still a little down. But I won't eat.

I am *SO* CLOSE to getting back under the 300 lb mark. I have hovered around 301 and 302 for a week. My eating has been really good except for margaritas and queso chips on Friday night. I did 40 minutes of cardio at the gym yesterday and along with my walk today I vow to start moving again. Hopefully that will get me off this plateau.

As far as my body goes, I feel great. My clothes are looser, and I still "feel" better. For the first time (probably ever) I feel like I am eating intuitively. I've heard other bloggers talk about it, but never felt like I could do it. I eat when I am hungry, and when I do eat I try to choose good food. And by good, I mean whole, clean, organic food. I try to keep my carbs and sugar to a minimum. But I don't follow a "plan". And for now, it's working. I've often been tempted to count my calories to just see about how many I am eating per day, but right now I am afraid to rock the boat.

With everything else going on, I am just glad that food is at the bottom of my list of things to worry about right now. I am conscious about what I eat and am making an effort to pay attention to everything. I have only had school lunch twice, and today I had a school salad. All three times it was because I chose to eat that day, not because I was unprepared. I actually keep some of my leftover Medifast shakes at school now with my mini blender. This way I am guaranteed SOMETHING good to eat even if I forget to pack my lunch. I always did like those Medifast shakes, and they do fill me up...

Well, thanks for letting me vent. I just felt like writing to get some of this anxiety off me. I am really praying a lot these days for clarity and direction. I know that God has plans for me, and that I am close to a big breakthrough in my life. But truth is, I am lonely. I don't want to be alone anymore. But I also don't want to settle for just anyone in my life. I did that with my ex-husband for 10 years. So I am going to have to be patient. And in the meantime, I will continue to work on me.

19 comments:

Blubeari said...

You are doing great!!! Keep it up.. I know that for me, seeing little bit of progress really gives me momentum. Get enough of that going and everything in life seems to click into place... Best of luck with the personal problems. Those are seriously stressful!!!!

Rachelle said...

I hope everything gets sorted out soon for you. It's definitely a huge accomplishment to not eat to help deal with your emotions. Sounds like you have a solid lunch plan. I've been reading everywhere about intuitive eating. I might need to give it a try as well since it seems to be working so well for others.

Princess Dieter said...

I so would love to see you report blasting into the 200s. Keep walking and breaking the stress-eating/comfort-eating sort of habit. It's a toughie to break, but we can do it!

I agree. No one should have to "settle". That's different than bending a bit, compromising in amicable discourse. Settling doesn't meets folks needs. You deserve much better.

Best to you, lady!

DaMora said...

So true about a stressful situation being all that it takes to detour our good intentions. It applies to more that just healthy eating.

Keep working on you and eventually, things will get better.

Sarah G said...

Hang in there!

Fatoutofskinny said...

Sending positive vibes your way! For me I keep my goals in the forefront and have a list of things I'm looking forward to doing and accomplishing as I loose, I read that list if things get tough, it brings my focus back.

There is a saying: " Good things come to those who wait"

Shanita said...

Hi Hollie, sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. But things WILL get better. You have a great attitude and are doing a good job at not allowing your emotions control your eating so Kuddos to you on that front.

I truly pray that things work out for you and your loved one that you are having the issue with.

BrendaKaye said...

Aww...I can relate so much. During my weight loss journey this year I had a couple good friends go away, and that is still very painful for me. I am praying for you right now. You are on my heart and prayers!

Christie said...

Hang in there Hollie....don't settle for anything, you deserve so much more than that and your kids deserve to see their momma happy!! Keep working at it, it will be worth it in the end.

Rain Of Stars said...

You are doing a great job! its hard when we have to deal with stress especially for people that we care about. But dont let that change your goal I know thats its hard to break the mad habit of couting with FOOD for emotional support trust me i been there. But hang in there girl! just trust the god had a special someone in your life.You should never "settle" for anything of anyone. have a wonderful week and remember weight lost is one meal at a time :-)

Judy said...

I enjoy your blog and will be following your progress. I have been there/am there now/hope to leave there soon. Hope you'll take a look at my own blog . . .
http://judy-minutebyminutedaybyday.blogspot.com/

Gavz said...

I really like your never dying spirit! It is really great to see so much of optimism in you, when you are actually facing tough times! Wishing u the very best with everything :-)

averagejoe said...

You are inspiring to men and women alike your motivation is contagious as is mine. I have lost 100 pounds plus in less than a year (I was 323 lbs.) through diet and exercise only. At one time I thought it was impossible. We have to be good stewards over our bodies just as we are over finances family etc. You are keeping me motivated through this journey. Keep in mind,it will not end at our goal weight we have to maintain. However, it is easier when there are average people like us motivating others to do above average things. I wish I can show my picture here but they are on my blog sites. Thanks for the post, with love from The Average Joe

woodsongoode said...

I'll definitely be keeping you in my prayers! Thank you for being honest and sharing your vulnerabilities with us. It is so encouraging.

Allison said...

I am proud of you and the fact you chose walking over eating. It is a daily struggle. If you choose to watch your calories I have found Loseit.com to be very helpful and I found when I started tracking my food intake it was not as bad as I thought. Good luck on your journey.

Rebecca said...

I am so happy to see that you went for a walk after a stressful day. I always find that exercise (especially a good run or a Zumba class) always makes me feel better. Keep it up! You are doing so well.

Sosyal Kelebek said...

Keep up the good work Hollie! I started my own journey with my blog today. Hope you support me.
http://imgonnalosetenpounds.wordpress.com

Toodles,

Trace

snortpiggy said...

Stress is one of the biggest factors in weight loss. It sounds like you are under a lot of stress and I hope it doesn't affect your weight loss. Check out www.snortpiggy.com for information on how weight loss is affected by stress.

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