Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Almost like normal...

I always hate it when I get so busy that I forget to update my blog. As much as I am on the computer for work, I seem to have ditched my home computer lately. I haven't checked Blogger or Facebook in almost a week, and last night was the first time I'd checked my personal email address in over a week. I have been busy, but things have been good!

First things first... I am still under 300! Yay for me. I am not as far down as I would like to be because I had a weekend of bad eating about 3 weeks ago. Then 2 weeks ago I went out of town with a friend for a funeral for the weekend. Both of those weekends combined had me up about 5 lbs, but I didn't freak out. I just went back to my "normal" eating, and as of this morning I am 296.

Funny how I say "normal". These days, "normal" eating for me is lower carb, higher protein. I don't eat after 6pm. I drink more water. I only eat when I am hungry. I don't eat candy and limit my intake of sweets and soda. I basically eat what I want, but my "wants" have changed. I still feel like I am in control.

The weekend 3 weeks ago when I ate out on both Friday and Saturday night, I still watched what I ate and still stuck to my plan for the rest of the weekend. I didn't throw in the towel and say, "Hey, I ate Prince's Hot Chicken last night, so I am going to start over Monday." I started over on the very next meal. No more "Monday" thinking for me right now. I am in this for the long haul.

I am finally comfortable with the fact that small changes is what is going to get me where I need to be. As long as I make an effort to do my best each day, I will reach my weight loss goals. It may take longer than restricting whole food groups, or drinking shakes for months at a time (which I have been more than willing to do in the past). I am changing, slowly but surely.

My big goal for this week is to exercise at least 4 times for 30 minutes each time. I have a friend that is also trying to meet this goal with me, so I am going to try my best. My oldest daughter got braces yesterday afternoon, and I had a baby shower to go to this afternoon. Tomorrow I have Spanish class after school, then church. So I guess I will have to really push for the rest of the week to make that goal. It's so hard to exercise when you've got a million things going on. But I have to try.

My personal life is less stressful, so that is good. I have had to eliminate some people from my life, but it's for the best. I have also formed new friendships and relationships that seem promising. I guess that changes in the people who surround you each day is just part of life. Some people are around for a season or a reason, some people will last for way longer than that. I am blessed to have people who genuinely care for me and my kiddos, and who can hold my hand through the tough times. I am also thankful for the people who have caused me pain and made my life hell, because those are the people who have made me the strongest.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Goals, and focusing on what is important.

I finally made my first goal... I am under 300 lbs! I have been hovering at around 298 for a few days. I drank some on Thursday night, so I stayed off the scale yest and today so I wouldn't be discouraged by any fluctuation that the alcohol caused. But I am still in control. Even with the stress (which is still here), and even with the holiday weekend.

Yes, I have been a little tempted. I had some cravings yesterday that I had to fight. And today I was "thinking" about a fast-food lunch (which I haven't had in months). But I have been able to overcome. I am very focused on my next goal of 289 lbs.

I realized today that although I am eating less, I have slacked on making good choices. I am not drinking all the water I should be. And I am also not eating enough fruit or veggies. SO that is my goal for the upcoming week.

With all the madness taking place in my personal life, I have to make myself focus on what is important. My children are my first priority, so I am trying to pour myself into them. They deserve my time, effort, and energy. I am also re-focusing a lot on my classroom and making this a successful school year.

Sometimes I wish I could just get control of my mind. My mind is my worst enemy. I think way too much, and I allow my thoughts to defeat me even before I have a chance to succeed. Medication helps, but I am still struggling. I am praying for guidance and peace in my life. I want to be healthy in mind, body and spirit.