Sunday, January 29, 2012

Vow to Wow!

I just posted my first blog for the Slim-Fast Women of Wow! Facebook page... PLEASE go and check it out :)

Also, I am still waiting to hear from one more winner from the coupon give-a-way... lzofo please contact me, even if you don't want the coupon. I'm sure someone else would love to have it :)

I am finally feeling a little better, so hopefully I will be back in the gym tomorrow. I actually feel like I'm missing out on something... who has time to be sick? Certainly not me.

Hopefully this stuffy nose will clear up by tomorrow. But at least I don't have the head and body aches that have had me down all weekend. That sucked!

I'll be back tomorrow with an update :)

Friday, January 27, 2012

Coupon winners and Friday update!

The winners of the Slim-Fast coupons (randomly drawn from comments) are:

#9 - lzofo
#6 - Ve
#16 - Natasha
#15 - Rusti
#2 - Lynn

Please email me ASAP at skinnyhollie at gmail dot com so I can get your coupons to you. They expire 2/29/12.

Don't worry if you didn't win... I've got more coupons, just need to get more postage stamps, lol! PLUS, Slim-Fast is allowing me to do TWO big give-a-ways soon. Only those are for $50 American Express gift cards! Now don't THAT sound great!

Look what I got in the mail today....

One of my "Nigel Barker" pics from NYC! I don't *love* it... I am cheesin' way too hard! But it's ok... it'll make a good "before" picture!

Weather in TN has gone from 30 degrees to 60+ degrees back and forth for the past few weeks... shocker that I am sick! My head is stuffy, nose runny, throat sore, and I can't stop sneezing. I skipped the gym because I don't want to spread germs, and let's face it, I don't feel good! I just had a hot cup of soup and I am going to bed! It's been the LONGEST week ever!

But I don't want to get off here without giving a shout out to my friend Tiff... she gave me a nearly NEW pair of Nike running shoes yesterday! She follows my blog and saw that I am back in the gym. She got the shoes for Christmas, wore them a few times, and they just don't fit right. Well, they fit me PERFECTLY and are such a blessing because my gym shoes are worn out (since I wear them to work, too). My feet are soooo happy today! Thanks, Tiff!

Disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast® Women of Wow Program. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Keep going...


Today was day THREE in a row that I have been to the gym. And man, I am getting sore! Not really sore in a bad way, but sore as in "your butt hasn't been moving like this in a while" sore. I did 45 minutes Monday and today, and yesterday was 30 minutes because I was short on time (but determined to get it in). And I am giving it all I've got. But my body feels like I weigh every bit of 300+ lbs. Ugh.

But don't worry, I am going to keep going. I am so motivated right now. Every choice I make that is a step in the right direction is one that I am proud of.


When I am looking in the mirror during my workout, it is easy to get discouraged when I see how big I am, and how much I have to lose. But I try to remember the quote above... It took 35 years to get this size, but hopefully it won't take that long to get it off. It won't be instant, but if I keep on the track I'm on it will happen.

I feel like I am in more of control of my eating, too. I really struggled this weekend. It seemed like I was constantly hungry. But each day it's got better and better. Sticking to my Slim-Fast plan is getting so much easier. I am allowing myself more than the 1200 calories recommended for the 3-2-1 plan, which is ok considering my weight. And I am satisfied and not hungry... just still fighting that "urge" to eat when I am tired or stressed (which is pretty much all the time). Baby steps... I will get there!

Speaking of Slim-Fast... I want to give away a few coupons. Since I have started being a blog ambassador for Slim-Fast, so many people have asked me about the new shakes in the bottles and how they taste. I love them all, except for the cappuccino (which I like, just not love). So I have some coupons for a FREE 4-pack that I would love to share. I will randomly select 5 people who go here to see the flavors available, then leave a comment about which Slim-Fast flavor you would love to try. Comment by TOMORROW (1/25/12) evening at 10 p.m. CST. so I can mail your coupon on Friday (1/27/12). Good luck!

I would also love it if you would check out my Woman of Wow blog on the Slim-Fast Facebook page. Leave me a comment there and show some support, then come back here and let me know you did for an extra chance at winning one of the coupons! You can also get extra chances by leaving a comment on my Facebook page. Just let me know HERE IN THE COMMENTS that you did.

Sound good? Great! Sharing is fun!

Disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast® Women of Wow Program. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Bad enough...


I really want to reach my weight loss goals this year. I want it REALLY BAD... Bad enough that I have really been evaluating myself and looking back at some of the reasons that I keep failing at my diet and exercise goals. This list is soooooooooooo long. It just doesn't make sense.

But one thing I think I am ready to admit. I don't know if I've REALLY wanted it bad enough. I mean, really wanted it bad enough to make changes that are uncomfortable long-term. I guess the main reason for this is the fact that I am too comfortable being fat. As UNCOMFORTABLE as being fat is PHYSICALLY, there is a part of me that finds comfort in it MENTALLY. It's the only way I know how to be. I've NEVER been thin. I have ALWAYS BEEN OBESE. ALWAYS. Even as a small child.

A part of me hates admitting this... sounds crazy. But I think I need to go through this process. If I don't, I will repeat the same patterns that has kept me at this weight for such a long time.

This weekend, I was in prayer for so many people who are sick and so close to death. People struggling with diabetes and cancer. And of course I am still struggling with my mom's situation. But one thing that really hit me at church on Sunday is just how BLESSED I am to be healthy. After treating my body like crap for my entire life (I've known better for the last 10 years at least), I am still healthy and do not have any health conditions related to obesity. Blessed, I tell you! But I can't keep expecting to stay this way... I am getting older, and obesity is going to catch up with me sooner than later.

Last night I sat down and penciled in workout times for this week. No matter how crazy my evenings are, I HAVE TO START MAKING EXERCISE HAPPEN. NO excuses. Even for just 30 minutes. Something is better than nothing, right?

So today I was able to get 45 minutes in. My eating has been good today, too, so I feel pretty successful. I am really finding myself struggling with hunger/cravings during the past week, but I am holding strong. I think a lot of it is stress-related, but yesterday I got to rest and relax after church and that felt so good. This evening I only had to go to the gym and pick up my nephew from practice, so I am glad to get the evening off. I won't get another evening off until MAYBE Friday. But I still have workouts planned for Tues, Wed, and Friday. I will make it happen because I want it bad enough.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Too Fat to Fly?


Being overweight is painful... I have bruises on my upper thighs to prove it.

In all my excitement about flying to New York on Tuesday, I had one fear in the back of my mind that just wouldn't go away. Would I be too fat for the airplane seat?

You hear these horror stories about overweight people getting kicked off of flights, or made to pay for an extra seat. On the inside I was scared to death that one of these scenarios would happen to me and ruin the experience of going to New York to be a blog ambassador for Slim-Fast. I even confided to my daughter that I had this fear...  that is was my ONLY fear when it came to this trip.

And do you know what? That fear was nearly realized. I WAS too fat for the seat.

I have flown on a plane before, but it's been at least 15 years. I am not, and have never had a fear of flying, I just haven't had the money or opportunity to fly anywhere in a long time. When I boarded the plane on Tuesday, I was very surprised to see that I was flying on a jet... that was very, very tiny. There were only seats for about 36 people, the aisles were tiny, and there was hardly no overhead room for bags. I only had a laptop bag with me, but when I tried to shove it under the seat, it wouldn't fit. But by this time I was so panicked that was the least of my worries.

The plane was set up so that on the left side of the aisle, there were two seats together, and on the right side there was a seat by itself. I quickly scanned the seat number of my boarding pass and prayed I was on the side of the aisle where I wouldn't have to sit with anyone. Luckily, I was. I stuffed myself in the seat, and could barely bend down to try to shove my bag under the seat in front of me. Like I said, it barely fit, and I had NO ROOM for my feet to even move. I tried to shift around enough to take my coat off, but it was nearly impossible so I just left it on. Then I tried the seat belt....

Which didn't fit at all. Not even close.

I desperately started searching my mind for what to do. All the while trying not to cry. This trip to New York was like a dream come true. And now, ironically, my weight was about to keep my from a trip that could give me the tools, support, and accountability I need to LOSE weight.

The flight attendant looked like he could be Matt Damon's little brother. I got his attention and pointed to my seat belt and told him it wouldn't fit. (I'm trying hard not to cry while I even type this. #humiliated). He put up a finger as to say "one second", went up the aisle, reached into an overhead bin, walked back to me, and VERY DISCRETELY slipped me something that I found to be a seat belt extender. I was relieved. For a moment.

Ok, so now I was all buckled in, but my feet were still shoved into my bag, unable to move. It was about this time that the captain came on the intercom to announce that air traffic control had delayed our flight for 27 minutes. And let me tell you, that was a LONG 27 minutes.

By the time the plane took off, my feet were numb and I was so uncomfortable I was on the verge of tears again. The seat handles were DIGGING into my thighs, I couldn't shift or move in my seat... it was horrible. I got the idea to take my bag and sit it in my lap during the flight, so I could move my feet around a little, which did help. I thought about asking for help to put it in overhead, but I remembered that people were already having trouble getting their stuff to fit in. I was too embarrassed to do anything but just sit there and pray that I could get to NYC as soon as possible. I felt like I was in hell.

Then I had to pee.

There was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to try to pry myself out of my seat and push down that tiny aisle to the "lavoratory". No telling how tiny that was... (scenes from Tommy Boy came to mind... if you've seen the movie you know what I mean, lol).

FINALLY, we arrived at LaGuardia, where I waited until everyone was off the plane until I heaved myself out of the seat and got off the plane. I thanked Matt Damon's little brother for the seat belt extender and gave it back to him. Then I hurried into the terminal to find the nearest bathroom.

Honestly, the flight experience was pretty much forgotten as soon as I climbed into the car that was waiting for me outside. Like I said before... it was SUCH a great day. But as I was sitting in that airport again for the flight home, I started dreading it again.

A quick glance at my boarding pass and I knew I would have the same type of jet on the way home. So I started coming up with a plan. I peed BEFORE I got on the plane. I also took off my SPANX so I would hopefully feel less "stuffed". Slim-Fast was nice enough to give us all a "goodie bag", so I used it as a purse and put my iPad, ID, and boarding pass in there for the flight so I could definitely put my laptop bag in the overhead as soon as I got on the plane. I sat close to the gate so I could be one of the first ones on. And thankfully, I had a solo seat again.

Things DID go better on the flight back. I asked the flight attendant as soon as I boarded for the seat belt extender, and was discretely passed one again after I got seated...

***side note*** I am thinking about writing American Airlines to thank them for both flight attendants being so discrete about the seat belt extender. They were both very conscious of the way they gave it to me, which really made me feel like they knew it must be embarrassing and humiliating to have to ask for one. That meant a lot, and really cut down on how bad it SUCKED to have to have it.

The handles to the seat still cut into my already bruised thighs, so that was very uncomfortable. But during that flight home I made a vow that the next time I ride in any type of aircraft I will be able to comfortable sit in the seat WITHOUT an extender. I will never allow being overweight to humiliate me in that way again. Never.

So now, when I am struggling on this plan, or feel like I want to binge and blow my diet, I will think of this painful experience. Hopefully it will drive me to keep my eyes on the prize. A healthy, comfortable life where I don't have to fear being too fat to fly.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Slim-Fast Woman of WOW - My NYC adventure!

Those of you who follow me on Facebook or Twitter already know about the little secret I was sitting on last week... but for those who don't, I want to officially spill the beans...

I have been chosen to be a blog ambassador for Slim-Fast's Women of Wow program! I only found out last Thursday, and I was told not to mention it until it was a done-deal. Well, since my trip to New York City for the event was yesterday, I am guessing it's the real thing!

Yes... I went to NYC yesterday! Can you believe it?


And, man... it was an adventure! More than once, I felt like I was in a dream. I mean, stuff like this just doesn't happen to me. Even if I was given the offer, SOMETHING should have went wrong. But everything went right. I had someone to watch over my kids. Slim-Fast was nice enough to give me a ride to and from the airport in a fancy car. My BFF bought me a new, comfy pair of shoes to wear. EVERYTHING worked out. I left my home at 6 a.m., and returned at about 11 p.m. It was a long day...

And it turned out to be an experience of a LIFETIME.

One of the bloggers I met yesterday, Lazy Mom, already blogged about the day, so feel free to check that out, lol. I know I am bound to leave something out.

Here is MY rundown...

I arrived in NYC at about noon yesterday after a flight from hell (more on that later). Slim-Fast had a driver waiting for me at the airport, which was so great. He drove like a bat out of hell, but I think that just added to the whole NYC experience!

I got dropped off at this fancy loft, where Slim-Fast had the penthouse all decked out for Studio Wow!



There were Slim-Fast products EVERYWHERE!




So cute. You can tell a lot of work went into this event.

Upon arrival, I got a tour of Studio Wow! and got to meet the four other bloggers that were there. Then we were taken to lunch in midtown New York at this really nice restaurant in Barrett Park.


The bloggers all posed for a picture after lunch. From left to right... Me, Christina, Stacey, Agnes, and Tiffany.


We went back to Studio Wow, and little did I know I was in for the experience of a lifetime. We got to individually go through stations with different celebrities.


(I stole that pic from Slim-Fast's Facebook page).

First I met with Slim-Fast's dietitian, Ali Auerbach. Then I got to meet Robin Miller, who is a chef that helped me come up with several 500 calorie dinner ideas that my kids would actually eat. Next was the stylist, Jacqui Stafford, who was really nice and very animated. She complimented my outfit and said that it was perfect for my body type. She also reminded me how important it was to dress for your size, and gave me a website to check out The Limited's new plus-sized line.

Next station was Joey Maalouf, hairstylist to the stars. He re-flat-ironed my hair, and his make-up artist touched up my makeup for my PHOTOSHOOT. Yes, I said photoshoot. My next station was with Nigel Barker, who is a photographer from America's Next Top Model. THIS part made me nervous. I am far from being a top model, and I hate being photographed. But Nigel was very nice and down to earth. He even posed for a picture that I could show off to my 14-year-old daughter (who thinks she IS America's Next Top Model).


After we took this picture, Nigel put on some Alicia Keys and we got to work. I was sooooo nervous. At one point when I was dancing around getting my picture taken by this famous photographer, I just had to ask myself if I was dreaming. Was this really happening? I mean, being whisked off to NYC, getting to be pampered and photographed. And for what? Just being a blogger?

Let me just say this... After meeting the other bloggers and checking out their blogs, it is apparent that I am NO WHERE in the blogging realm that they are in. They are professionals, whether they consider themselves that or not. Only one of them has a weight-loss blog other than me. And I also found out that they have known about this ambassador-ship for a while... Since I only found out Thursday, I am guessing that I was only considered last-minute. Which is okay... I'm just glad that I was chosen! I mean, I love Slim-Fast. Pretty much any plan that I'm doing, Slim-Fast is one of my go-to options that is low-calorie and nutritionally sound. I've even been able to find low-carb shakes for when I am cutting carbs. It's a product that I will proudly endorse.

And it's also the product that I think will help me get to my weight-loss goals. I keep talking about destiny, and how I believe that THIS is the year that I am destined to FINALLY get this weight off. This whole thing with Slim-Fast is something I am truly taking as a sign from God. What else can it be? As if the NYC experience wasn't enough, Slim-Fast has also given me a four-month supply of product to use during this ambassadorship (that lasts until the end of April). There is no excuse now. I have been given the tools, and I really already had the knowledge. And now I know that I have God's hands all in this. It's done.

So, my first "Wow" moment will be for my birthday. By May 26, I want to be down at least 40 lbs, and I want to be able to wear those size 20 jeans that are still hanging in my closet, just waiting for me to get back into. So 40 lbs in 4 months... 10 lbs. per month... I can do that! And I will. Just watch me.

I wonder if Slim-Fast knows how dead serious I am about REALLY making this work? Everyone had better get ready for me!

I am DEAD TIRED after a long day of back to reality, but I will definitely be writing more about my NYC adventures tomorrow and in the future. Stay tuned! In the meantime, check me out on the Slim-Fast Facebook page... I would really appreciate your support!

Disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast® Women of Wow Program. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Mourning


***This post is not really weight-loss-related... just FYI

Yesterday was a long wrestling tournament day... left the house at 6:30 a.m. and didn't come back until almost 8:30 p.m. About an hour after I got home, I announced that I was going to bed. I noticed a missed call from my sister in Missouri (the one that my mom lives with now). I was a little surprised to find out that they were in town, about 5 minutes away from my house at my mom's apartment. They were basically packing up what was left of her personal things, because my other sister and my brother were moving all the furniture out on Sat. (today).

I don't remember how much I've blogged about the relationship with my mom, or her disease (Alzheimer's), or the fact that she has been living in Missouri with my sister for about a year now because she just got to where she was unable to live on her own. She has paid rent/utilities on her apartment all this time because she hasn't faced the fact that she will never live there again. Well, now, her lease is up and it will not be re-signed. Everything has to go, and since one of my sisters in Nashville wants everything and is willing to move it, that's what is going to happen.

I don't know how much you know about dementia or Alzheimer's, but there is a lot of belligerence and mood swings that go along with it. Mother was in a terrible state last night before I got there, but really calmed down, especially when my other sister and brother got there (she hasn't seen my brother for at least 5 years because he has been in prison). Everything was good. We took pictures, everyone got along... it was good.


But this morning... not so good. Mom woke up in a very angry, disoriented state. She didn't know where she was, and kept demanding that they take her home so she could get her things. She didn't understand that these was her things... and just more strange, bizarre behavior. My sister and her two daughter's that drove down with her just ended up leaving abruptly to take Mom back to Missouri. My kids didn't even get to see her before she left.

I am so sad right now... I feel like the mourning process has started for my mother. Soon, she won't know who we are, or who she is. Her body is still here, but her mind is leaving at a faster rate than I think any of us were prepared for. My heart is just broken.

Two things that make this morning even more difficult:
1. I don't have my Love here with me to talk to or tell me things will be ok. Love's mother came in from out of town last night and they are together. What a coincidence, right?
2. Although I desperately want to be at church this morning, I'm not. See, I am going to what they call a super-church in Nashville, and they are having a famous gospel singer there this morning (Marvin Sapp). Basically, if you're not there early, there is no point of going because the crowd is going to be ginormous. The church seats about 5000, but there will be standing room only. I really like going to church there, but this is definitely a down-side. When you really need a WORD, something like this will definitely keep you from going. Good thing is that there is a live stream via the Internet, so I will try to tune in that way. I could  go to my church here in town, but honestly, I'm not feeling it. *sigh*

Something good that came of this:
My oldest daughter (age 14) and I had some quality bonding time last night. We stayed up and talked until after 1 a.m. That was priceless...

Ok, now I feel better because I have this off my chest. I know this is a weight-loss blog, but it's also about my LIFE. This is my journal... one of the reasons that I've kept advertising to a minimum and have never tried to make this outlet a money-maker, like so many people have encouraged me to do. I will gladly endorse a product if I like it, or give my honest review if I don't. But at the end of the day, it's my blog. My journal of my life, my ups and downs, weight related and not. I teach for a living... blogging is just something I LOVE to do. Thanks for reading :)

Friday, January 13, 2012

Snow day = me day


I thought about this quote today while I was on the elliptical. Thanks to a snow day today, I was able to make it to the gym for 32 minutes on the elliptical - no problem. That's three days this week, which was my goal. Yes!

Anyhoo... I was on one of the front ellipticals closest to the mirror, and I was thinking to myself that I would love to look good naked one day. I know plenty of people who have just restricted their calories, or had gastric bypass, and did NOT exercise. They have this "saggy" look to them that I hope to never have. I think that exercise is important in weight loss, that's why I always try to do it when I am on the food wagon. Because I don't just want to look good in clothes (Spanx can help me with that). I want to look good naked.

I can't wait for that moment to get here where I like looking in the mirror again. I have been feeling kind of down about my appearance lately. My Love tells me all the time that I am beautiful and sexy, and I appreciate that. But I don't feel it right now.

At least I know that I am doing something about it now, and I know that every day of good choices will lead to more and more days of good choices, and in a few months I will be able to tell a difference. I want so badly to get back into my size 20 jeans in my closet. I am pretty much in a 22... 24's are too big... so it won't be long. I hope!

Today I had a great rest day. I looked around on Pinterest, made some bows, then went to the gym. I went for groceries this morning, and I ran into a friend. She said she could really tell I'd lost weight since the last time she saw me (this summer, at the pool, which my have something to do with me "looking" smaller now, lol). Even though I know I haven't lost much WEIGHT since this summer, it felt good to get that compliment. Thanks, Kebel!

Well, I'm off to make a pot of chili. Keven has a tournament tomorrow, and it's my turn to make lunch. Don't tell anyone, but I am putting ground turkey in it instead of ground beef. I just don't eat beef anymore, and I can't even stand to use it for someone else. Besides, if I make my own healthy version, it will be something good for ME to have for lunch tomorrow, since I will more than likely be there 10 - 12 hours. Yes, they last that long. I also have Slim-Fast bars and fruit. And plenty of water. I will stay AWAY from the concession stand. I'm ready!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Confirmation


I woke up this morning with a 5 lb. loss since Monday. Dr. Oz suggests weighing every day, so I have been trying to remember to step on that scale for accountability. I know some people hate the scale, but once I got over that hump where I let it dictate my whole day, it is a good tool for me. And today, it was motivating.

I was running late this morning because I didn't iron anyone's clothes last night (trying to do better with that), so I didn't make my green smoothie. Honestly, I am going to have to figure something else out for protein because even though it's good stuff, the protein powder I am using tastes horrible to me. I find myself not "enjoying" my shake like I used to. I didn't stress it, I grabbed a Slim Fast and was out the door. I noticed on the way that it was a lower carb, higher protein version. More protein does keep you full longer, because I almost forgot to eat until lunch time today. I was busy, but didn't feel "snacky" at all. #score

It is actually snowing in my neck of the woods today, so I am praying for a snow day tomorrow. Wrestling and all other after-school activities were cancelled this evening, and I have never been so happy to just get home and rest! I didn't even try to get back out to the gym... I had to pick up my nephew right after I left school, and with the roads being bad and the fact that TN drivers LOSE THEIR MINDS in snowy/icy weather, I think I'll just stay home. If we get a snow day tomorrow, I will DEFINITELY get a good workout in.

I have been saying all year that I just have the "feeling" that this is my year... it's almost like a calmness in my spirit that just says, "give it your best, and you will succeed.... it's meant to be". Well, today, I was given some potentially good news that will definitely help and motivate me on this journey. I don't want to talk about it yet, but I am so excited. It's confirmation that my "feeling" is right. This is really going to happen this year, so I'd better get ready!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Gettin' it in...


Today, I have no regrets because I've already got my gym on! How, you ask?

I took the afternoon off work. Two students were absent, and I had SO MUCH to do this afternoon with not enough time to do it. So I asked for a 1/2 day. After I left, I looked at the clock and decided that I was going to the gym. I had about 45 minutes before I needed to pick up my high-schoolers for their appt, and since I had my gym back packed and ready to go just in case, I GOT IT IN. Thank goodness for being prepared!

I did 30 minutes on the stationary bike because the ellipticals that I like (the ones without the moving handles) were all taken. I decided that the bike was a good choice because it got my heart rate up without making me sweat a lot. I mean, I still had my kids' high school, eye doctor and dentist to go to, and also church tonight. Having my hair a frizzy mess is a no-no unless I'm going straight home.

See, this makes me feel good. Initiative. I know that I am going to have to get my fitness in where I can. I just don't see a lot of EXTRA TIME in my future.

I have also tracked my food today and have done well. Church is tonight, so I have made sure I've saved enough calories for dinner. I had a spinach/strawberry/blueberry/protein smoothie two mornings in a row and it feels good to be starting my day off with nutrition. Yesterday I fell off the wagon thanks to a Tastefully Simple sample party in my lounge, but I got it back together. I will keep trying to keep it together.

I am making that choice. I won't give up. This is my year.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Start


This is how I look and feel right now.

I went to the gym :) Finally! 30 minutes on the elliptical kicked my booty.

Today has been a good day. I was running late this morning, so I had to grab a Slim Fast instead of making a smoothie, which is fine because Slim Fast is my plan B. But I stuck with my lunch and didn't even eat all my snacks (will have them for tomorrow!). I ate a bowl of Kashi for dinner, and I still have about 400 calories to wiggle with. I am feeling pretty good right now.

It kinda sucks that it will probably be Friday before I will be able to get back to the gym, but that's okay. I will get there.

I also was thinking that I might get Just Dance or some other sort of dance game for the Wii. Honestly, that is a form of exercise that I could do with my kids and it be fun for both of us. As a single mom, I am always looking for was to spend quality time with my kids, so this just might be it! I am going to might go see if I can find one at GameStop when I pick up my nephew from wrestling in a bit.

I started using SparkPeople again today. I used it several years ago, but haven't used it lately. I was tracking with LiveStrong, but for some reason SparkPeople popped in my head today so I think I will try it for a while. I think I like it because they have an easy recipe builder, and I plan on cooking more.

**I just thought this would be a good time to mention that I don't eat fast food anymore. I haven't had McDonald's since this summer. 90% of our food comes from a grocery store, the other 10% is when we go out to eat on rare occasions. My family just doesn't eat fast food anymore since we watched Food, Inc. And that is a GREAT THING. I can't afford Organic food like I want, but I at least I don't have to battle with fast food anymore.**

I am going to start preparing for tomorrow. If I can get lunches packed and clothes ironed the night before, my mornings run so much better. And I really want to have time to make that smoothie tomorrow!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

A plan


I was #determined after my funk on Friday that I was going to have a plan for next week... even if it killed me! I am SO ready to DO something, and it really frustrates me when I don't feel like I "can" act on something I need and want to do. SO today after church (well, I started thinking about it during church) I decided to plan next week, and get organized and prepared for a busy week. I am going to try my best to keep focused.

I have decided to start my day with a smoothie each day next week. This worked well in the past, and I think it really helped my cravings and hunger level throughout the day. I went to Wal-mart to gather food for next week, so I made sure to include spinach, flax seed, frozen strawberries and blueberries. I have PLENTY of protein powder from Isagenix that I am going to try to use up. Sorry Isagenix, but your protein powder doesn't taste good. But because I have about 2 large tubs of it, and it IS quality stuff, I am gonna use it.

I am also going to start taking supplements again. Those also worked well for me in the past, and I really believe they helped support my weight loss. I dug out all my bottles that I left over, checked expiration dates, and divided what I had left into snack-sized baggies that I can grab and go next week.

Now, for food. I have to make sure I have plenty of stuff to eat during the day while in my classroom, so I cut up an 8-oz block of cheese into 8 1-oz portions and put them in snack bags. I also boiled a dozen eggs and made some tuna salad. I have plenty of Progresso Light soup in my stockpile, and a box of 90-calorie Special K bars. I also have plenty of Slim Fast shakes and bars. So if I start off with a smoothie, I think I have plenty of choices as far as good stuff to eat. A lot of that is also stuff I can grab and have in the car with me in case I need dinner on the go.

Tomorrow, I WILL go to the gym. I have nothing going on tomorrow afternoon (except my usual picking up nephew from wrestling practice). My gym bag is already at work, ready to go. On Tues and Thurs, I have wrestling meets. Tuesday's meet is about 45 min away, so I won't have time to go to the gym because I will have to leave as soon as I can get off work. Thursday's match is at home, and since I'm a wrestling mom, I will have to work concessions. So as you see, both nights will be late nights.

Wednesday will also be a no-go for the gym because I have three kids with dentist appointments that afternoon right after school. Then church, if my kids are able to go. Two of them are getting extractions.

So far Friday is looking like a do-able gym day. I don't have anything written down, but I "think" my sister and mom from Missouri are coming down that day to close out my mom's apartment. In that case, I expect chaos, because Saturday my nephew has another all-day tournament, AND I have a basketball game for the youngest.

BUT, I am focusing on the positive. I am going to try my best to get those two days in at the gym. And I am going to eat right and track my calories. AND drink my water. And I am going to feel better about myself because I took the time I did have today and I tried to come up with a plan.

I am also contemplating getting up at 5:00 to exercise. Contemplating.

I am NOT a morning person. I wait until the last possible minute to get up in the mornings. I have tried to get up early in the past to exercise, and haven't been able to stick with it. But I am may be willing to try again. I have a plethora of good DVD's that I could do, and I wouldn't have to worry about my kids being in my way since they'd still be asleep.

I'm going to think about it....

Friday, January 6, 2012

Too tired to think...


Tonight I am so tired. I am just going to go to bed so I will stop thinking negative thoughts. I am wondering if I am every going to have time enough to really THINK about a real plan of action, let alone carry it out. I should have done it the day after Christmas, which is the last lazy day I've had. But I didn't, and now life is just crazy again.

And now I am stressed about work. Ugh.

I can do this, I know I can.

I will keep repeating this until I believe it.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Overthinking...

If I spent as much time DOING as I do THINKING, I would probably get somewhere!

Today is January 5, and I still don't have my stuff together. Again, I start off well in the mornings, but by the afternoon I am just not focused. Today I actually started backsliding at work when I drank my THIRD mug of coffee (I usually have just 1). But I got my first walk-through today and even though I think I did okay, my nerves were shot.

My goal is to come up with some kind of plan this weekend to make next week go better. Hopefully I won't be as busy, and hopefully I can actually cook a few meals for dinner. I will have three of Jess's kids this weekend in addition to my four, so good luck with me having time to do anything besides hide in my room for fear of the natives tying me up and raiding my cereal stockpile in the garage!

Speaking of stockpile... my couponing efforts are going great so far! I actually have a little stockpile forming of items that I have paid pennies on the dollar for... items that we actually USE, not stuff just for show like on those Extreme Couponing shows... I don't get those shows. Those people will never use most of that stuff... they're just hoarding. I don't plan to hoard my goodies... I am looking for real savings. Last month I came in at about $100 below my grocery budget. #sweet

Last night while cruising around Pinterest, I was reminded of smoothies. Some call them "green monsters", but I always made mine with frozen blueberries and strawberries so they wouldn't be green. I remembered how good they used to be... how filling. And I remembered that I also used to have a smoothie each morning during the time that I was losing weight back in 2009. Hmmm... maybe I need to break out that protein powder collecting dust in my pantry and start doing smoothie's again. They just might help get my day off to a good, nutritious start.

But when thinking about smoothies, I also started thinking about my supplement regimen. That also really helped me shed the pounds during my "loser" period in 2009. Why did I veer away from those things when they were really making a difference? I lost around 30 lbs just by eating clean and taking supplements to support weight loss (all natural stuff, not diet pills). I was doing so well. Why did I stop doing what works?

Hmmm.... good question.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Not so random randomness...

Another quote from Pinterest... love it!

Last night after I posted, I thought of a million things that I "wanted" to post about but was just too tired to write last night.

I forgot about a post from Black Girl vs. Fitness that I  was tagged in. This looks like a fairly new blog so go check it out.

The Rules:
1. Post these rules. 
2. You must post 11 random things yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ Blah blah blah, you legiti­mately have to tag 11 peeps!


Well, any of you who know me know that I am not going to tag 11 people.... today. I promise to spread some blog love once I have time to breath and have a bowel movement without one of my kids telling me about their day while I'm on the toilet. So for now, go to my blogroll and read the 1st 11 blogs that are listed :)


Eleven Random things about me...
1. I'm a Gemini, and unfortunately at times I really act like one.
2. My son's middle name is Javier, but we are not Hispanic at all.
3. I dye my hair black because I am getting gray hair.
4. I wear a partial because I have 3 missing teeth.
5. I recently started making hair bows and I LOVE having a hobby.
6. I used to SWEAR I'd never drive a minivan, but now I do...
7. I got my first Brazillian wax this weekend.
8. I only started drinking coffee after I turned 30.
9. I love Cadbury eggs the same way junkies love crack.
10. My ex-husband smokes crack.
11. I am in love. Blissfully in love.


ok... now for the questions I have to answer...



  • What is your favourite way to workout? I really LOVE the elliptical...

  • What do find hardest about getting in shape? I am not consistent. I start off strong, but can't seem to stick with it.

  • What do you love most about getting in shape? Feeling sexy!

  • What you do to treat yourself after reaching a weight loss/gain target? Depends... my favorites are a pedicure or a new article of clothes. Maybe a pair of heels. It's been a while since I've met a target :(

  • A random fact about yourself? I hate the smell of hazelnut-flavored coffee.

  • What is your go to meal whilst healthy eating? I love shakes... usually Slim Fast is quick, easy, and CHEAP.

  • Your top 3 songs for working out? 3 by Britney Spears, Spotlight by Gucci Mane, and my new one is We Found Love by Rhianna.

  • How do you relax after a workout? What does "relax" mean? lol

  • What trainers/sneakers do you use? I have a pair of Saucony's that I like... also a fan of Nike's.

  • If you had to teach something , what would you teach? I teach Special Education students all day long... so I guess I would like to teach other students to be more tolerant of my guys.

  • Your biggest accomplishment in 2011 and what you want to achieve in 2012? My biggest accomplishment in 2011 is strengthening my relationship with God. I feel so much peace right now, and I haven't felt PEACE... ever? I can truly say that I am happy despite my circumstances. I know that God can pull me out of ANY situation.


  • OK.... now that is done. 

    I went back and read my blog posts from 2009 and 2010 and 2011 last night... not all of them, but some from January of each year. Just to see where my head was at during the new year back then. I have come such a long way. It doesn't seem like it's only been 3 years ago that I left my husband. And only one year ago that my divorce was FINALLY final. My weight has yo-yo'd a lot. At one point I was down to about 270. I weighed this morning wand was 316.6. Damn I hate that. That's pretty much 20 lbs I have put on in the past two or three months.

    Both yesterday and today I started out well, but start falling off track after I leave work. I have to come to grips with the fact I am BUSY and I need to PLAN EVERYTHING so I won't veer off track. Yesterday I didn't get home until after 8 p.m. because my nephew had a wrestling match after school. Today, I didn't get home until 8 p.m. because I had to stop by the grocery, attend a meeting at the high school, then go to church because I am back on teaching rotation for the 2 year-olds. Tomorrow I will be going until late because two of my kids have a dentist appt after school, then I have to rush off to Nashville for a wrestling match. So far, Friday is looking like I might be able to come home and rest after I pick my nephew up from practice at 5:30. I sure hope so. This week has been so busy.

    But this is my life right now. I am a single mom of four kids. 

    One good thing is that now I have some help, well, at least on most weekends. I don't know if you caught in my "11 Random Things" that I am in love. I have met a person who I think is pretty awesome, and they think I am pretty great, too. So, even though my Love is also very busy, I can count on them for help with my kids when they are available. I can also count on emotional support, which is so wonderful. We have been "officially" together for just over three months, but I have known this person for a while. Emotionally stable, God-loving, career-minded, loving, sober, funny, gorgeous... almost too good to be true! And my kids and family love this person, too. Life is good :)

    Well, I think my kids are all bathed and heading to bed, so I am right behind them. I just want to CRASH tonight... I am sooooo tired it's not even funny!


    Tuesday, January 3, 2012

    2012 = Divine Destiny


    Happy New Year!

    I have been trying to blog for a few days now, but my life is still insanity. But you know what? I am learning to make the best of it.

    As always, the new year brings on ideas, goals, plans, and resolutions. This year, I am just leaving things in God's hands. No resolutions for me, really. Hell, I always seem to make these resolutions that I don't keep anyway. Every year I resolve to lose weight, and for the past few years I have really sucked at that, lol!

    I still DESPERATELY want to lose weight, don't get me wrong. I just have to start really BELIEVING that it's God's plan for me to lose weight, and I have the power to make the changes that are necessary.

    I know what to do... I just need to believe in myself enough to know that I can do it. It CAN happen for me.

    2011 was a crazy year for me. So many things happened that, I believe, has led up to great things happening for me in 2012. Sometimes you have to go through things in life to prepare you for good things to happen, maybe so you can appreciate them? I don't know, but I just have this feeling. I have a feeling that 2012 is not only the year that I finally get back on the road to healthiness (notice I didn't say weight loss), but also do lots of other things that I want to do.

    For the first time this Christmas and this New Years Eve, I went to church. My faith in God has grown so much this year, and I have found a church that I really love in Nashville that my family and I have been going to on Sundays since this summer. The pastor is a phenomenal preacher, and both on Christmas and NYE he preached on how basically 2012 is the the year of divine destiny... He says the bible basically prophecies about the number "12", etc... the point is, while listening to both of these sermons I felt this overwhelming sense of PEACE about certain things, one of them being my weight loss journey. I really "feel" as if this is my time. I have the knowledge, I have the tools... all I need is faith in myself that I can do it. Deep down, I really think I KNOW I can do this. It just scares me to death because losing weight and keeping it off for long-term is truly the one thing in my life that I have NEVER been able to do for as long as I've tried.

    It's late, and I feel like I am rambling, but hopefully you get my point. I really think this is going to be my year. And I know that the most important thing I can do right now is try. I CAN do this. I have come too far to let myself go any longer. I am going to make it happen, finally... God willing!

    I also plan to blog more this year, so watch out :)